If you are on FaceBook with any regularity there is a good chance you've seen the image below posted on at least one of your friends stati (yeah, I know but statuses sounds even more stupid).

Where do I begin? Well, first, thank you Mr. or Ms. Logic for making me think of something I'd rather not have thought about. However, seeing as I am dating a vampire, once the seed had been planted (pun intended), I couldn't get it out of my head.

It's not like you want to consider such things in the heat of the moment. Or upon reflection actually. At least, I don't. But what was I supposed to do now? I had to ask Kin (my vampire boyfriend, for those who don't know, and I'm not sure why we have to keep revisiting that - read my book!).

Now, those of you who HAVE read my book (thank you!) know that I'm not one to be graphic or discuss intimate matters any more than absolutely necessary, so pay attention because I'm going to be vague!

According to Kin, who is a vampire, so I have no reason to doubt him, it is true that vampire's hearts no longer beat. It is true also that they do not need to breathe. However, quite obviously, other muscles and organs are functioning or they wouldn't be walking around living the after-life that they are. I'll let you contemplate that for a moment.......

Think about it; they walk, talk, run, do things that require amazing feats of strength, etc, right? All of those things require the use of muscles. There are muscles in the... male sex organ. (God, I hated typing that!) It takes a combination if these muscles, nerves and blood (which let's face it, who has more blood in them than a healthy vampire?) to achieve the uh, ... desired state.

So, the sticking point is, how does the blood flow. Kin's answer: "I'm not sure." Now before you all start crying 'cop out' or whatever, let me say a couple of things. First off, unless you went to medical school or something, would you know the intricacies of how the human body worked without the aid of the internet? I didn't think so. Second, it's not like there have been centuries of vampire doctors doing research on how their bodies function, recording their findings and trying to comprehend the magic that makes them work. They can't Google this stuff. There are no pages on Wikipedia for them to go to.

When you consider it in that light, it's a reasonable response. His best guess: Vampires need blood for everything. It's the one and only thing they need to exist. Therefore, it must somehow travel throughout their entire body to keep their body functioning. It does not seem to use the same arterial system it used when they were human, but that doesn't mean it doesn't travel through the body in some other way.

The bottom line is this, vampires manage to have sexual relations. Kin says definitely no babies, though. I don't want to delve any further into the why's and wherefore's of the mechanics of the issue. This was uncomfortable enough, thank you very much.

And if you need or want any more information on this topic, I highly suggest you go and get your own vampire. Or a hobby. Or therapy.