We've all been there. The supermarket. You've got your cart filled, you're nearing the end of your list. Just a few more items. You turn into the isle to get one of those final items and.... *screech!* You have to come to a grinding halt because the stock person (very PC of me, I know) is restocking a shelf. Apparently a critically important shelf, because not only is he restocking it, but he must keep all shoppers from coming anywhere near the general vicinity of the fresh stock by parking his big ass stocking cart smack dab in the middle of the isle.

So, you pause there a moment, thinking, as most rational people would, that the clueless clerk will realize you're there and he has thoughtlessly blocked the way and will move the cart, apologizing politely as he does so. Wrong! If you think that's going to happen, you underestimate the training these clerks have had. You see, they have been trained to be so single minded in their tasks that not only are they completely unaware that you need to get by them, they don't even realize there is anyone else in the isle! It's sort of like reverting to selective hearing as a child, except they have been trained by experts.

And why would supermarket management train them to do this you ask? Simple! In fact, it's rather obvious. If we can't get by them, it means we must go around them. So, we go down another isle. An isle we may have already been down, or had no intention of going down. Our flow has been interrupted. We've been annoyed, frustrated and are now even more prone to impulse buying. Don't laugh. You can't tell me that if you get pissed off in the supermarket that the box of Double Stuff Oreos you showed amazing willpower over five minutes ago won't find it's way into your cart if you are forced to travel by them again in an agitated state. After all, now you deserve them!

Paranoid? Perhaps. But when the world is out there plotting against you, paranoid is just good thinking.

Think of this as a PSA more than a blog post. Or, well, just as much as a blog post. I know, thanks to Twilight and True Blood and all kinds of other vampire fiction out there that there are women (especially teen girls under the false impression that vampires should sparkle), that think there is something extra romantic about dating a vampire.

Now don't get me wrong, I love Kin and I'm not knocking him. Not at all. I just want to set the record straight that when you date a vampire - he's still a guy. Yes, a guy with a very unique set of baggage, but a guy nonetheless.

Ok, I don't have to deal with the food and drink issues: no mass quantities of food required for sporting events, no greasy calorie-ridden fast food when you're trying to diet, no beer, baked beans, deviled eggs (I shouldn't have to explain that), etc. But that gets replaced by the fact that you can't go out to eat together. At the movies, you are the only one scarfing down popcorn and Twizzlers. You're the only one with late night cravings - well, late night cravings that can be satisfied legally at the local 7-11.

But there are still the same old issues of listening/talking. Communication will forever be an issue between men and women of any er, kind. I was going to say 'species' but, frankly, just don't like going there. He may not be technically human anymore, but he was and he still does a damn good job of passing for one. They still think if you have a problem of any kind whatsoever that mentioning it to them, or even in their presence, means that you expect them to fix it for you. God! I hate that!

And living for decades, or even hundreds of years does not keep them from squeezing the toothpaste from the middle of the tube! It really makes me want to smack him, especially when he does it to my toothpaste, but I'd just hurt my hand and be even angrier. Nor does time teach them where to appropriately place wet towels after a shower. Fortunately for me, Kin is very neat and there are no issues of other things not being deposited where they belong. One thing I hate is having to act like some guy's mother and pick up after him.

Vampire men are still clueless as to a woman's feelings. They don't know what upsets us or why. What makes us cry and whether it's a good cry or a bad cry. In fact, they are just as dumbfounded by the concept of a good cry. No matter how strong and virile they are, they are rendered helpless when they can't fix an emotional situation. Sound familiar ladies?

They are prone to every male pitfall and stereotype out there. If you can find it in a human male, you can find it in a vampire male. And what's worse, is the ones that have been around for centuries and still cling to their old-fashioned ideals. You know, like women should just be home caring for the home and children, and not treated much better than a children themselves. Don't even get me started on that one! I could rant for days!

Then there is the obvious and oft-pointed-out issue of the fact that you age and they don't. I guess I don't really need to go into that one. Oh - and the fact that they feed on blood. There is no synthetic blood in the real world for them to substitute (wish there was!). And, as you already know if you've read my book (don't make me say it!) the whole, how do I tell my friends I'm dating a vampire issue.

So really, when you stop and tally it all up, on paper, it looks like dating a vampire vs a human is not such a good idea. Huh. Not where I thought this was going to go. Hmm. Well, of course generic lists such as this don't take things like personality and such into consideration. Oh crap! Now I need chocolate.

Ok, make of it what you will!

Yes, you read that right. Today I saw a commercial for testosterone replacement medication. For men who want to replace testosterone that lessens naturally with age. Let me repeat the key phrase in that sentence - that lessens NATURALLY. Meaning that's the way the body is supposed to work.

But now, some drug company has put it out there that they can reverse this natural process and replace the testosterone so guys can feel younger and more virile. You know, it was one thing when Oil of Olay and things came out for women's skin, but products like this and Viagra and Enzyte (God I hate the Enzyte commercials!) and now this other product are out there making men believe they're not supposed to age at all. That they're supposed to behave physically at 60 the way they were at 25. Give me a break!

Does it irritate anyone else that pharmaceutical companies spend millions of dollars (and take up precious FDA time and resources) for Viagra and Enzyte type products, and and now testosterone replacements! Ugh! I'm sorry, but wouldn't all that money, time, experience, skill, resources etc, etc, etc, be much better spent on serious diseases and conditions?

Yeah, yeah. Some people say that because some guys can't get it up it may lead to other problems, like depression etc. But seriously, maybe we are a society too preoccupied with sex as it is. I like sex as much as the next gal, but I'd rather see them working on a cure for cancer or MS, MD, Parkinson's, Alzheimer's or any number of other really serious medical problems. And even if you think erectile dysfunction is something to be dealt with, ok fine, but "male enhancement"? Replacing testosterone? Ugh.

Sorry, but I really want to slap that smile off of Smiling Bob's face.

Hero.

In case you haven't noticed, since I started this blog a few weeks ago, the post topics have been pretty varied. This is sort of the Seinfeld of blogs. It's the blog about nothing.

I notice most blogs have some sort of central theme. But here, you just never know what's going to be discussed. Even if I could think of one theme that I think I could talk about a lot, I don't really think I could stay on topic. Hell, I have trouble staying on topic just within a single post!

But it does make me think about this whole blogging thing. After all, I am still really new at this. It's not easy to think of things to post about day after day. So, let me hear from you. Aside from things that would impact my books, are there any topics you'd like to read about here? Things you're wondering about? Things that bug you and you want to know if others feel the same way? Let me know!

Do you get ticked off by people picking cans out of your trash? Are you irritated by ads for restaurants or stores that seem to be on every commercial break, but there aren't any located anywhere near you? Do you wonder how we ever stayed "regular" without special yogurt, vitamin supplements or fibrous breakfast cereals? Are you sick of low-quality remakes of movies and cheesy CGI film versions of Saturday morning cartoons? Jersey barriers: Do you think sometimes the road crews leave them there just to screw with you? Coffee rush traffic jams - why can't people make their own freaking coffee? The 3D obsession: Do we really need to see everything in 3D? The Hilarity of weird TV show names when scanning the Guide.

Give me a shout out. Tell me your thoughts and ideas.

Hero.

You must have noticed that on almost any network that has commercials you will see constant ads for multiple air scent products. There are sprays, plug-ins, solids, automatic motion sensing, oils, diffusers, and an endless array of candles.

We seem to be a society obsessed with our air smelling like anything but air. Now, I get the need for a bit of air freshener in the kitchen after you've cooked certain foods and well, not to be indelicate, in the bathroom. However, do we really need a Glade Plug-In or Febreeze Flameless Luminary in every room of the house?

I enjoy the scent of a nice candle as much as anyone. Hey, I live in the land of Yankee Candle! But that's something for once in a while. It's something to treat yourself to, to luxuriate it. If you have it going in every corner of the house every waking moment... ugh! I'd have a headache.

What the heck is wrong with just a nice clean house and open windows with fresh clean air? Ok, so maybe some of you are unfortunate enough to live in close proximity to the local dump, or certain industrial plants that make open windows and fresh air an impossibility, but for most of us, that is a viable option.

I have to laugh watching the commercials where the people walk past the air freshener product and raise their nose in the air like a dog walking by a table full of food. They sniff, inhale deeply and they smile contentedly. Yeah, nice job Madison Ave. That's all we need to be happy at home. The scent of tropical flowers and vanilla. Oh! If only our parents' generation could have realized this! What a blissfully different home-life we would have had. Our parents wouldn't have been as stressed or grouchy. A puff of jasmine laced air would have instantly soothed away all the difficulties of the day. Are you ready to gag yet?

And in the meantime, we spend tons of money every year on this crap - and not just for ourselves, but for others! We give them as gifts! We impose our obsession with scented air onto others! They really have us hooked.

Now, before you go posting replies yelling at me because you love your Febreeze or Glade candles or whatever, let me restate, I do like candles etc - sometimes. I'm just saying these companies and their advertising have made a lot of people feel like we've got to have the air around us scented 24/7. All I'm saying is, what's wrong with just plain old fresh air? If your home is clean and there are no outside forces keeping you from opening your windows, why not just enjoy clean, fresh air? Save the scented stuff for when you need it and when you feel like treating yourself. Make it something special.

Oh - one last thought. Am I the only one that hated those stupid commercials where the dumb woman would try and pass off the Glade candles as designer candles and they'd call them Gla-de. Really? Who honestly cares if someone's candles are designer? Designer candles? Sorry, I think I'd have to slap somebody if they got all worked up over whether a candle was designer or came from the grocery store. And don't even get me started on the Febreeze ads with the morons who put their faces into places they know smell bad and inhale!

As Labor Day quickly approaches, so does the first day of school. Now, I've been out of school for, well, a number of years, but it still depresses me to see all these Back To School shopping ads. I do love the idea of new clothes for Fall. But still, BTS means and end of Summer; the end of freedom; a return to teachers and homework and annoying and sometimes really upsetting peers. Yeah, I'm sure you're stupefied to learn that a girl named Hero had issues with bullies in school. I'll give you a moment to recover from the shock.

Not that I was at the bottom of the food chain. I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I traveled in my own little circle and was fairly popular with the mid-level citizenry. And school and I would have gotten along just fine if it weren't for a few really sore sticking points. Such as: Mandatory attendance; forced hard labor (aka gym class); perpetual public humiliation (aka - aka gym class); unreasonable expectations (homework and projects that interfered with social and TV schedules - like we had no life outside of school!); and the constant, unrelenting (and SO unwelcome) imposed interaction with inferior beings (aka stupid/boring/annoying/snotty/and otherwise undesirable classmates). I'm sure many of you can agree.

If I could have had more of a say in who I was in class with, what my schedule was and the expected work load, .... yeah, who am I kidding, I would have been in class with the same 12 - 15 people, done little to no work and went to school 2 days a week and 5 days off instead of the other way around. There's no denying it.

The only good thing about school was my friends. The social part was great! (when I wasn't being teased about my name) I'd make a terrible parent, now that I think about it. I'd totally sympathize with my kid and let them stay home from school and wouldn't care if they slacked off on their homework. I mean, come on, so far in life the greatest use I've had for the majority of stuff I learned in high school has come from watching Jeopardy! (which I totally rock, btw)

I'd be good at BTS clothes shopping, being the Mom that let's all the kids hang out at their place and the kids feel comfortable talking to. Other than that, I would fail my re-entry into the high school system.

Guess it's a good thing there are no children in my future! I think.

Hero

So what are we doing today, Hero? Well! I'm glad you asked!

Today, in honor of the anniversary of the Beatles traveling to Wales to study TM with the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi (yes, I was desperate for an anniversary to celebrate, it was either this or the organization of Brotherhood of Sleeping Car Porters in Harlem in 1925 - plus, I'm a Beatles fan) ahhh..... ok, lost my train of thought. Hang on....

Oh, right! Ok, in honor of the whole TM/Maharishi/Beatle thing back in 1967, I am giving away free copies of my book. Yup - that's right! FREE - I'll say it again..... Fuhhhhrrreeeeeeeee.

I'm not into the whole TM thing. You already know my mantra is Eat Chocolate Every Day and the closest I come to meditating is when I am completely engrossed in the delights of a container of Ben and Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk. So, in lieu of the search for inner peace (and we all know how that turned out - and if you don't, pick up a book - after you read mine, of course) I decided to offer my fans free copies of my book!

So - where are the free copies? Well, you didn't think I was going to make it easy did you? Come on people! When do I make things easy? (that was rhetorical) You want the free copy? You'll have to find it. After all - there's got to be some seeking involved - otherwise, where's the tie in?

Search the pages of this site to find a 5-digit alpha-numeric code that will give you 100% off Much Ado About Russian at Smashwords.com You can then download and start reading it immediately! Get MAAR for your Kindle, Nook, iPad, iPhone, Sony Reader, Palm, Kobo, even your PC. Just find the code and go HERE. But hurry - it's only good for today (August 25).

Prefer a hard copy? Well, I can't afford to give you those for free - those cost me $ (hey, I'm a self-publishes artist, give me a break) But I will offer it to you at 50% off. Just find an 8-digit Alpha only code and use it at my CreateSpace store. You must purchase it via this link HERE. Also only good for today.

NOTE: My CreateSpace Store is actually part of Amazon.com - so it is secure. But for some whacked up reason, Amazon's CreateSpace will let me offer coupons for my own shop but not for the actual Amazon.com site. Go figure!

So - got it?

FREE DIGITAL COPY - 5 digit alpha-numeric code and go HERE

HALF OFF HARD COPY - 8 digit alpha code and go HERE

Now - go on your quest - and have fun!

Hero

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