I hope you are all sitting down while you read this. If not, go get a chair. We'll wait.....

Ok, so, what happens in the dreadful, horrendous, inexplicably bone chilling event that you have a problem which can not be solved, or at least be significantly improved via a chocolate infusion? Dear God! Just typing that made me shiver!

Try not to panic, it is a very rare occurrence, I assure you, but since I recently underwent an ordeal of such Gothic and terrifying proportions that even my beloved Ring Dings and New York Super Fudge Chunk were unable to deliver me. Talk about adding insult to injury. Kick a woman while she's down! Oh! The cruel cosmic injustice of it all!

I can't divulge the details of what I endured recently, (sorry, read the page on A Promise), but let's just say getting back to my own home, and getting my hands on large quantities of chocolate were uppermost in my mind once I knew I was safe. And yet, I was left flat.

Oh sure, it was tasty and felt good to have the delicious treats. Don't get me wrong on that score. But there was no uplifting, no sense of well-being and 'all is right with the world' that normally comes from the bliss of eating such delights. Chocolate *gasp* had let me down.

I know, I know. It's a bitter pill to swallow. And I thought I could sink no lower. So, I had some tea - with cookies of course. The tea was soothing on my raw nerves, though again not as much as I'd hoped, but at least I could tell a difference had been made. I moved on to sleep, which was restless and less than peaceful.

In the morning, I tried again, going for the Cocoa Pebbles. Nothing. In desperation, I broke out the big guns, my 'Break Glass in Case of Emergency' chocolate: The Giant Toblerone. Not the ones you find in any old store, oh no, the great big ones that you sometimes see at Christmas and wonder 'who the hell eats a candy bar that big?'. Well, your question has been answered.

It was heavenly. It was also far too much and I got a sugar rush, a headache and a toothache. Don't you dare give me a 'serves you right'. You have no idea what I've been through! But still, the wounds of my tribulation remained.

So, I guess the answer is this: Time may heal all wounds, but chocolate, only some. Consider this a PSA.

Have you missed me? Did you even notice my cyber-absence? Hmmmm......

Do you want to know where I've been? Why I couldn't post? Well, do you?

How does it feel to want? Is it a deep, aching feeling?

Ha! Sorry, couldn't resist. Feeling a little snarky today. I haven't had the best of days recently. Vampire stuff. I can't really tell you about it because I promised I wouldn't reveal things on here that would have any affect on my book or upcoming books. *sigh*

I know, I know. You're thinking 'why even mention it?'. Well, let me tell ya this much. If you'd been through what I've been through the past few days and you come home and find that nobody even seemed to have noticed you were gone, you'd be tempted to make a snarky post or two about it yourself. Don't deny it. You might think you wouldn't care or that there would be other things on your mind, but trust me. Your mind would be feeling pretty delicate and easily thrown off, especially when it was already in such a horrid state. Not to mention that every last nerve is way past its edge.

So, why am I here taking it out on you? Who else am I going to take it out on? Ben and Jerry? The Drake's duck? Aunt Jemima? The Pillsbury Dough Boy? I don't even have a gold fish or anything to commiserate with. Heck! I haven't even become attached to my new pillow yet!

I just want to say, this whole vampire thing.... I'm not sure it's all the movies make it out to be. Well, ok, maybe the ones that make it all gory and gross. But the sappy romantic ones. They are definitely leaving out some key elements.

This is going to take more than the ordinary chocolate fix. Have you ever seen the Vicar of Dibley? It's a great Britcom and there's one episode where they give the main character a chocolate fountain as a gift and she dives in head first. I think I need one of those - but dark chocolate or bittersweet please. No milk chocolate is going to cure this hurt! I need the hard stuff!

If I haven't mentioned it before (and I'm pretty sure I have - and will again, so get used to it), it's not easy to keep thinking of things to blog about day after day.

So, today, I'm just going to ramble about whatever comes into my head. So fasten your seat belts, people. It's going to be a bumpy ride! Ok - there's a place to start. One of the greatest movie lines ever - from All About Eve, Bette Davis' "Fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a bumpy night!" What actress wouldn't have loved to have delivered that line? But guess what? It was not her favorite. I know - shocking! It was some lame comment about washing her hair. No accounting for taste!

Ok, more random nonsense. Remember my post earlier this week about TV Land? Well, do you know where that phrase came from? Bullwinkle Moose. That's right! Good ol' Bullwinkle coined that phrase when he said "Hello out there in TV land." See, this blog is educational.

How about this for random? I've been asked about my inaugural blog post where I mentioned my Gift and the singing sensations of the snack cake isle. The question was, what about the Entenmann's? Well, I can only speculate. Understand, the Ring Dings et all, call to be to be appreciated, and ultimately, eaten. They don't discuss the inner social standings of the pre-packed pastry community with me. However, I suspect the Entenmann's don't call out and participate because they think they're too good for it. After all, they do get their own special tables and end caps. Don't get me wrong, I love those tasty little chocolate chip cookies as much as anyone, but I was asked, and here you go.

Ok, let's see what else, what else? Oh! I read that in San Salvador, drunk drivers can be shot before a firing squad. Now, I don't know if that's true or not, but it's something to think about isn't it?

Sorry for not posting yesterday. I'm sure you missed me terribly. (Yes, that is sarcasm) But there was just no way I was getting near a computer. I don't want to point fingers, but, sometimes dating a vampire can really screw up your schedule.

They don't require as much sleep as humans. (Though the whole must sleep during the day thing is just a myth. Don't believe me? Read my book. And again, why do I have to keep saying that?) But, let's face it, it's a little easier to get away with being a vampire at night, for multiple reasons. And yeah, if you want to know those reasons.... you got it, read my book.

Not to mention that Kin is at the beck and call of his Magistrate, Darius, 24/7. I swear, Darius is either clairvoyant or he's got one locked up in his mansion somewhere, because he seems to know precisely the exact moment Kin and I are about to get, er, um, intimate. You can guarantee that nine out of ten times Kin's phone is going to ring and it will be Darius.

Ok, I realize that sounds a little paranoid, but that doesn't make me wrong. I think people forget that sometimes.  Just because somebody sounds paranoid or their story seems a bit wacko doesn't necessarily mean that what they're saying is untrue. Have you ever watched Phineas and Ferb? Great cartoon on Disney. Yes, I'm a thirty-year-old woman who watches cartoons. My friend's kids turned me on to it. It's fricking hysterical. Anyway, their older sister, Candace, is always trying to get them in trouble for the elaborate inventions they build, but by the time she gets her mom to look, the stuff is always gone. So, poor Candace appears to be having hallucinations and a breakdown of some kind on a nearly daily basis - but - she's not wrong.

Ahhh, ok. Phines, Ferb, Darius. What the hell was I talking about anyway? I swear, I can digress like nobody's business! Ah ha! there you go, Hero, just look at the title you typed in a few minutes ago. (Can you tell I haven't had my RDA of chocolate yet?)

So, back to the original topic. Vampires. Schedule. I didn't post yesterday because my day was totally messed up being dragged around, (dragged? drug? who the hell cares) by Kin on 'official' vampire business, that of course, took hours and hours. After all, what do they care how long all their stupid crap takes? They have eternity, right? GRRRR. Blissfully forgetful of the fact that they were once human and that humans need to eat, use rest rooms, sleep, sit down now and then. (believe me, I could go on!) And no, sorry, can't tell you what we were doing. Big, top secret, hush, hush, vampire-type, stuff.

Anyway, by the time he finally got me home (way past the hours that any restaurants were open, unless I wanted a Big Mac), I had to actually make myself something to eat (talk about salt in the wound!) then I climbed into bed and managed to fall asleep despite the lightening sky and the horrendously irritating chirp of early birds out looking for their worms. Not a great visual to be falling asleep to.

Which also explains why today's post is later than usual, because I've only just got my sorry behind out of bed. Ehhh, ok, I've been up for almost an hour actually, but it took me a long time to actually start feeling awake. But here it is! Ok, not my most stellar post, but it's here. Somedays, that's the best you can do.

Signing off - in search of chocolate.....

If you haven't read my Eat Chocolate Every Day page (and why haven't you?) you may be unaware of my strong belief that chocolate should be its own food group with a recommended daily allowance. Of course, that would also mean you haven't read my book, and do we really need to go there again? Do us all a favor, read the book!

Anyway, I think chocolate is a vital part of our diet and should be incorporated into every man, woman and child's daily menu. Now, before you go freaking out at me over obesity and whatever, let me remind you that all chocolate not need be in the form of Ring Dings (though if they ever stop making them I just might become suicidal). There are plenty of ways to have chocolate in your diet without going overboard.

For instance: For breakfast, you could make some smart choices, such as a glass of chocolate Ovaltine. With an 8 ounce glass of fat free milk is 160 calories and 0 fat. Or a bowl of Special K Chocolately Delight with fat free milk. That's 160 calories and 2 grams of fat. And believe it or not, a serving of Kellogg's Cocoa Krispies with fat free milk is also 160 calories and just 1 gram of fat. Or you could try Eggo Fiber Plus Antioxidant Chocolate Chip Waffles. Try saying that 10 times fast! A serving is 180 calories and 7 grams of fat. Sure, not something you'd want every morning, but still... a nice treat once in awhile.

Lunch time: After a sensible lunch, indulge yourself with a chocolate treat. Have a 100 calorie pack of Emerald Cocoa Roast Almonds. Sure, they have 8 grams of fat, but remember, we need to have some fat. Not all fat is bad, and you get some good fat from nuts. There are plenty of other 100 calorie pack snacks out there with chocolate in them that will give you a great little chocolate fix to get you through the mid day slump. Oreos, Chips Ahoy!, Milanos, Chocolate covered pretzels, even Hostess cupcakes. Or you could have a 90 calorie Fiber One brownie or chocolate snack bar. If you really need a chocolate fix, try a smear of Nutella or peanut butter and chocolate spread on a rice cake. Sure, there's a lot of sugar in those spreads, but... (yes, there's a but) keep in mind, you're not using the amount per serving listed on the label. You are using a fraction of that, and only using it once in awhile as a treat. So, it really isn't that bad. There are worse things you could do. Like eat a whole pint of New York Super Fudge Chunk and chase it down with some Ring Dings.

Dinner: If your taste buds are so inclined, you can get your chocolate fix right with your entree. Mole sauces, some chili recipes use chocolate, and a great many other savory dishes. And of course - desert. The possibilities are endless! But again, you can make wise choices. The 100 calorie packs are still there, plus Weight Watchers and other diet food companies put out plenty of deserts and candies for those watching their waste lines. There's no reason not to be able to make a smart choice if you want to have chocolate.

Plus - chocolate is good for your health! I won't rehash all that here - go read the page!

We NEED chocolate! It should be part of everyone's daily diet!