What the hell am I supposed to be writing about? With my book I know because I’m telling you about what happened to me, but here…. What? You want to know about the boring details that were too mundane for the book? I didn’t think so.

My views on world politics? The Deficit? Gas prices? Amy Winehouse? Ugh, please! I don’t even want to hear my thoughts on that crap. So what should we chat about?

Well, I can tell you that I have a whole new respect for these people who blog daily. They either have vastly exciting lives, or brilliant minds full of interesting topics or… I have no idea. Obviously, or this post would be a hell of lot more interesting.

Come on, Hero! Pull it together! Ugh. Man, I need some chocolate. Be right back….

Ok, Ring Dings and a Diet Sprite. Yes, I am fully aware of the irony, no need to post and point it out. I need my chocolate. And frankly, it needs me. It calls to me. Don’t laugh, it does. “Hero, we’re all alone in the cabinet. Please come and get us!” I’ve often wondered how a pair of Ring Dings can get lonely packaged in plastic together, but it is not for me to question such things. The poor little chocolate-covered, chocolate, cream-filled cakes. They’ve suffered enough, suffocating in that plastic wrap, being shut up in that dark box, shipped all over the country, never knowing where they’re going to end up. At least with me, they know they are loved.

Yes, I live alone, don’t judge me. I suppose you’re thinking ‘well, if you didn’t buy them in the first place, you wouldn’t hear them call to you.’ Oh, you silly, silly people. If you had The Gift you’d hear them too. And believe me, there is nothing so moving as when the Drake, Hostess and Little Debbie sections all get together in three-part harmony to call me all the way from the supermarket. I can hardly drive there for the tears in my eyes. Excuse me, did you miss the beginning of the paragraph where I said not to judge me? Well I said it again, so knock it off. It’s not my fault they adore me so.

Hey! Look at that! It’s a blog post! It may be a bit unconventional, but if you’re looking for convention – try the Shriners. You won’t get that here.