Sooo... just some random thoughts that have been on my mind in regards to commercials.

Paper Towel Tantrum: I am SO sick of the paper towel ads that make is seem like a major felony to use more than 1 sheet of paper towel at a time. Seriously, how hard up do you have to be to be obsessed with someone using 3 sheets to clean up a big spill rather than 1? Aren't you more concerned with getting the mess cleaned up? Are you really going to be upset over the use of 2 sheets more than you think you could have made do with? If so, sorry, you've got some issues.

Marital Bliss?: Am I the only one that hates the commercial with the guy who goes to his wife in the greenhouse and tells her he signed up the family for unlimited calling and she says how she should have listened to her mother and married John Clark? I have a couple of issues with this commercial. One: they make the wife out to be a raving bitch. Nice, thank you. Obviously, if an announcement such as his triggers a reaction like that there are some series problems going on in that marriage. Two: Yeah, they were 'free' - free after he signed up for unlimited texting for the family. And we all know that texting is WAY more expensive than regular talking, so odds are he actually spent more for all that unlimited texting than she assumes he spent on the unlimited minutes. No matter how you look at it, the commercial is awkward and uncomfortable and sure as heck doesn't want to make me do business with that company.

May the Force Be With You: On the other hand, don't you just love the commercial with the kid dressed as Darth Vader whose dad makes the car click on and off and the kid thinks it's The Force? That is just awesome! What a really clever idea - kudos to the ad agency who came up with that one.

Where's the Beef: I admit it - I love that Wendy's is revitalizing their classic Where's the Beef campaign. You can't go wrong with a classic!

The Fabric of Whose Life Exactly?: Glad to see the Cotton people have decided to feature some attractive clothes for a change. Anyone remember the one with the bright orange and gold caftan that looked like it came from Mrs. Roper's closet? Don't ask me who was wearing it - she was blonde - but other than that it was too hard to focus on anything other than the incredibly hideous garment.

Eenie Meenie Minie Moe: Can't recall the brand but some uber clever ad guys scored with a great commercial for a pack of gum that contains 2 different flavors. The guy does the old 'eenie meenie' to choose which flavor to have and finds himself with a very large tiger sitting beside him; his caught "toe" in the guy's lap. The guy is dumbfounded and more than a little nervous. Then the tiger says "You're not going to make me holler are you?" Priceless!

The Magic Island: I'm pretty sure it's Target that has an ad where they say 'this house runs on island time' and then they show the family gathered around the kitchen island doing various kitchen things and using appliances like coffee makers and Kitchenaide mixers, griddles, crock pots etc. But here's the thing. There are no outlets on that island. There's no cord on that coffee maker at the beginning of the ad. In fact you never see the cords on any of the appliances. There's no place to plug in that mixer or anything else if they did have their cords. And if you're thinking that the outlets are on the side of the island, the camera shows it fully at the end. No outlets. So it must be a magic island. Wonder if they stock those at Target?

What is with the bizarre Dairy Queen commercials? Bubbles with kittens? Rock n' roll falcons? Mary Lou Retton in a piñata? Does any of that make you want to run out and buy a Blizzard?

Well, ok, granted, if you're anything like me, just the mere mention of Dairy Queen is enough to make you want a blizzard. But seriously, is this an effective ad campaign? Is Dairy Queen aka DQ not already a household brand, known far and wide across the USA? It's not like an upstart company trying to build brand recognition with crack-pot guerrilla tactic advertising. They're already well established.

Sooooooooo - then what the hell's up with the dumb ass commercials? I don't think they are clever or funny. In fact, it makes me question the sanity of both DQs top executives and the PR firm they are using. Just think - somewhere there is someone getting paid a ridiculous amount of money for this ad campaign. It boggles the mind, doesn't it?

Not that their previous campaign with the disembodied talking lips was much better. Too Rocky Horror. And I love Rocky Horror. I'm a member of the Official Fan Club! But I don't want Rocky Horror hawking my DQ. Just too creepy.

Oh you silly, silly DQ people. Don't you realize that your products sell themselves? Don't you know that in places where your shops are only open seasonally, customers go running through the streets announcing opening day like Steve Martin getting a new phone book?

Hey - go back to using the Dennis the Menace kids! They were cute. Who doesn't like cartoon kids? Better than a rock n' roll falcon. Even if he does mention Boston.

Yes, you read that right. Today I saw a commercial for testosterone replacement medication. For men who want to replace testosterone that lessens naturally with age. Let me repeat the key phrase in that sentence - that lessens NATURALLY. Meaning that's the way the body is supposed to work.

But now, some drug company has put it out there that they can reverse this natural process and replace the testosterone so guys can feel younger and more virile. You know, it was one thing when Oil of Olay and things came out for women's skin, but products like this and Viagra and Enzyte (God I hate the Enzyte commercials!) and now this other product are out there making men believe they're not supposed to age at all. That they're supposed to behave physically at 60 the way they were at 25. Give me a break!

Does it irritate anyone else that pharmaceutical companies spend millions of dollars (and take up precious FDA time and resources) for Viagra and Enzyte type products, and and now testosterone replacements! Ugh! I'm sorry, but wouldn't all that money, time, experience, skill, resources etc, etc, etc, be much better spent on serious diseases and conditions?

Yeah, yeah. Some people say that because some guys can't get it up it may lead to other problems, like depression etc. But seriously, maybe we are a society too preoccupied with sex as it is. I like sex as much as the next gal, but I'd rather see them working on a cure for cancer or MS, MD, Parkinson's, Alzheimer's or any number of other really serious medical problems. And even if you think erectile dysfunction is something to be dealt with, ok fine, but "male enhancement"? Replacing testosterone? Ugh.

Sorry, but I really want to slap that smile off of Smiling Bob's face.

Hero.

How many years has this been going on now? Twenty-five years? Have they managed to convince you yet? Not me, brother! Frankly, you might be able to pass that crap off as a few things, but butter isn't one of them.

But the nice people who also brought us Promise spread think that cute advertising will make us forget how awful this stuff tastes. Really guys, Fabio? Oh sure! If Fabio eats it, well hell! It MUST taste like real butter! Come on, Ethel, it's on sale down at the Piggly Wiggly! Let's go stock up!

I don't know if Jeff Foxworthy has ever done a monologue on this topic, but it's just screaming out for him to do one IMO.

Or how about the more recent ones with the over the hill chick from Sex and the City. You know, the one who wins the Emmy for biggest case of denial of real age in an actress? Yeah, that's the one. She's slinking around, looking like someone who's had too much work done, wearing too much makeup and wearing an outfit, that aside from being too young for her, does nothing for her. If it were supposed to be humorous then that would be fine, but it's not. You know what's supposed to be funny? There's a hot guy in the commercial young enough to be her son and she makes some stupid comment about how to make French toast. The hottie feeds her a bit of toast and says "oui". Yes, that is the punchline. They paid an advertising company for that little beauty. Staggers the imagination, doesn't it.

Frankly, it makes me wonder what kind of qualifications you have to work for one of these PR firms that does commercial advertising. Seriously! Man, some of these brands could run contests at a local high school and come up with a brilliant campaign for the cost of a college tuition bond or whatever and save a lot of money and embarrassment.

Not to mention, people, please - who came up with the name? A double negative? Was it really the best of all possible names you could come up with? Think about it. For days, weeks, maybe even months, people sat around offices and conference rooms and brainstormed about what to call this product. Focus group studies were probably conducted, markets tested. And yet, this was the best of the bunch. I don't know about you, but that doesn't exactly fill me with confidence in the company making the product.

So, for the record, I CAN tell it's not butter. If you can't, then perhaps you've never actually had real butter. Trust me - there's a BIG difference.