Have you missed me? I know you have, and you know I know - so you don't have to say it.  It's understood.  You missed me almost as much as I missed Ring Dings. Ugh! Don't get me started on the heinous fools responsible for the loss (temporary, thank God) of my beloved Ring Dings.  All the hullabaloo about Twinkies - Twinkies! Please! Give me a break!

Anyway, both I and Ring Dings are back. Lucky for me and lucky for you. :)

I am in the process of catching up on my adventures in vampiring (is that a word? Yes? No? If that ends up in the Urban Dictionary - I want credit!)  Book III - Much Ado About Smoke is in progress and will be available - well, as soon as I can manage it.  Let's be realistic, giving a hard deadline when I have no idea what vampire, faerie or other creature could be turning my world upside down from day to day is a joke.  I'll just say I'm going to be working to get it out to you as quickly as I possibly can.

But - you knew there was a "but" - self publishing is not cheap. I could use some help covering the costs of an editor, ebook conversion, image licenses, ISBN numbers and other costs. So... guess what? I am offering the Exclusive, Limited Edition T-Shirt below. It reads "Hero Giving new meaning to "Death by Chocolate"  There are just 25 available - men's, women's, and youth sizes (up to 3X). Once they are sold - they are gone - that's it. Finito - no more! These are not available in my shop, and they won't be - so this is it.

Have you missed me? Bah! Don't bother lying! I can see that you haven't been coming around. But it's ok, I won't hold that against you. Yet. ;)

Since today is Halloween, I've decided to have a lovely little Halloween Treat for you! Isn't that nice of me? Aren't I just super swell? (this is the part where you say 'Oh yes, Hero, you're wonderful!)

Hmm - needs work, but it'll do.

So - today ONLY - we are going to have hidden coupon codes on the blog for copies of Much Ado About Russian! Woo Hoo!

Today only you can purchase a paperback or digital copy of MAAR at 50% off! Just search through the pages of this blog to find the coupon codes and use them at the sites listed below.

NOTE: if you know others who are interested - please pass on the link to this page and let them have the fun of searching for themselves. Do not just share the coupon codes.


Have fun!

Smashwords - Digital Copies for Kindle, Nook, iPad, PC and more
Find the 5 digit code and go to:
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/66869

My CreateSpace Store* (part of Amazon.com) for paperback
Find the 8 digit code and go to:
https://www.createspace.com/3601725

*My CreateSpace store is owned and operated by Amazon.com. It is a secure site. Amazon provides me with this site so that I can offer discounts and promotions such as this.

Sooo... just some random thoughts that have been on my mind in regards to commercials.

Paper Towel Tantrum: I am SO sick of the paper towel ads that make is seem like a major felony to use more than 1 sheet of paper towel at a time. Seriously, how hard up do you have to be to be obsessed with someone using 3 sheets to clean up a big spill rather than 1? Aren't you more concerned with getting the mess cleaned up? Are you really going to be upset over the use of 2 sheets more than you think you could have made do with? If so, sorry, you've got some issues.

Marital Bliss?: Am I the only one that hates the commercial with the guy who goes to his wife in the greenhouse and tells her he signed up the family for unlimited calling and she says how she should have listened to her mother and married John Clark? I have a couple of issues with this commercial. One: they make the wife out to be a raving bitch. Nice, thank you. Obviously, if an announcement such as his triggers a reaction like that there are some series problems going on in that marriage. Two: Yeah, they were 'free' - free after he signed up for unlimited texting for the family. And we all know that texting is WAY more expensive than regular talking, so odds are he actually spent more for all that unlimited texting than she assumes he spent on the unlimited minutes. No matter how you look at it, the commercial is awkward and uncomfortable and sure as heck doesn't want to make me do business with that company.

May the Force Be With You: On the other hand, don't you just love the commercial with the kid dressed as Darth Vader whose dad makes the car click on and off and the kid thinks it's The Force? That is just awesome! What a really clever idea - kudos to the ad agency who came up with that one.

Where's the Beef: I admit it - I love that Wendy's is revitalizing their classic Where's the Beef campaign. You can't go wrong with a classic!

The Fabric of Whose Life Exactly?: Glad to see the Cotton people have decided to feature some attractive clothes for a change. Anyone remember the one with the bright orange and gold caftan that looked like it came from Mrs. Roper's closet? Don't ask me who was wearing it - she was blonde - but other than that it was too hard to focus on anything other than the incredibly hideous garment.

Eenie Meenie Minie Moe: Can't recall the brand but some uber clever ad guys scored with a great commercial for a pack of gum that contains 2 different flavors. The guy does the old 'eenie meenie' to choose which flavor to have and finds himself with a very large tiger sitting beside him; his caught "toe" in the guy's lap. The guy is dumbfounded and more than a little nervous. Then the tiger says "You're not going to make me holler are you?" Priceless!

The Magic Island: I'm pretty sure it's Target that has an ad where they say 'this house runs on island time' and then they show the family gathered around the kitchen island doing various kitchen things and using appliances like coffee makers and Kitchenaide mixers, griddles, crock pots etc. But here's the thing. There are no outlets on that island. There's no cord on that coffee maker at the beginning of the ad. In fact you never see the cords on any of the appliances. There's no place to plug in that mixer or anything else if they did have their cords. And if you're thinking that the outlets are on the side of the island, the camera shows it fully at the end. No outlets. So it must be a magic island. Wonder if they stock those at Target?

I hope you are all sitting down while you read this. If not, go get a chair. We'll wait.....

Ok, so, what happens in the dreadful, horrendous, inexplicably bone chilling event that you have a problem which can not be solved, or at least be significantly improved via a chocolate infusion? Dear God! Just typing that made me shiver!

Try not to panic, it is a very rare occurrence, I assure you, but since I recently underwent an ordeal of such Gothic and terrifying proportions that even my beloved Ring Dings and New York Super Fudge Chunk were unable to deliver me. Talk about adding insult to injury. Kick a woman while she's down! Oh! The cruel cosmic injustice of it all!

I can't divulge the details of what I endured recently, (sorry, read the page on A Promise), but let's just say getting back to my own home, and getting my hands on large quantities of chocolate were uppermost in my mind once I knew I was safe. And yet, I was left flat.

Oh sure, it was tasty and felt good to have the delicious treats. Don't get me wrong on that score. But there was no uplifting, no sense of well-being and 'all is right with the world' that normally comes from the bliss of eating such delights. Chocolate *gasp* had let me down.

I know, I know. It's a bitter pill to swallow. And I thought I could sink no lower. So, I had some tea - with cookies of course. The tea was soothing on my raw nerves, though again not as much as I'd hoped, but at least I could tell a difference had been made. I moved on to sleep, which was restless and less than peaceful.

In the morning, I tried again, going for the Cocoa Pebbles. Nothing. In desperation, I broke out the big guns, my 'Break Glass in Case of Emergency' chocolate: The Giant Toblerone. Not the ones you find in any old store, oh no, the great big ones that you sometimes see at Christmas and wonder 'who the hell eats a candy bar that big?'. Well, your question has been answered.

It was heavenly. It was also far too much and I got a sugar rush, a headache and a toothache. Don't you dare give me a 'serves you right'. You have no idea what I've been through! But still, the wounds of my tribulation remained.

So, I guess the answer is this: Time may heal all wounds, but chocolate, only some. Consider this a PSA.

Let me start off my saying this post isn't about all of the actual shows coming up, so if you are looking for a complete list of what's going to be new on TV, this isn't the place to look.

As usual, there are the usual assortment of shows that require you to say "are you kidding me?" and wonder how they ever even got past development. The kind where it's painful to even to watch the commercials. Thank God for the mute button! I sometimes wonder if there's some evil plat on the part of network execs to see just how awful they can make some of these shows and we'll watch.

Is it the Bloom and Bialystock method of TV programming? Are there TV producers out there that stand to earn more if their series is canceled rather than picked up? You have to ponder such things when you see previews for such shows as New Girl or Whitney. Ugh!

Of course, it's not all bad. I admit I am looking forward to Pan Am. I suppose I'm hoping it's as well written as Mad Men, which I just love! I suppose it's also because I have a fondness for retro. Other than that, I can't say there's anything I'm truly looking forward to. I might luck out and find some things I like, but I'm not starting out with too many expectations. For instance, I know some of my friends are looking forward to the new Charlie's Angels, but I just can't get excited about it. Maybe I'll be wrong.

Oh! I do think the idea for Terra Nova is interesting. Not a big fan of sci-fi shows in general (yes, I'm aware of the irony), but at least it looks like something new.

What I'm really looking forward to is the return of shows that I already know and like, such as Glee. And is anybody else tired of waiting for Mad Men? Enough already!

So, what looks good to you this Fall?

Ok, so I saw a commercial this morning for almond milk. . . . Yeah, almond milk. Now, it sounds like it might be tasty, after all, I'm pretty fond of almonds, but how the hell do you get milk from an almond?

They're dry! There is no moisture there. Have you ever heard anyone refer to an almond as 'juicy'? I seriously doubt it. And if you have, I hope that it was a case of either English was not their first language or they were heavily medicated.

Aside from coconut, where do you get milk from any kind of nut? Now butter I get because there are oils in nuts, some more than others. I've heard of almond butter as an alternative to peanut butter for those whose nut allergies are restricted specifically to peanuts.

Now just think of that. If I puree them in a blender I'm going to get an oily paste. Tasty? Sure. Drinkable. Ugh! No way!

And yet... someone has managed to create a milk-like product from almonds. Actually, somebody managed to do it centuries ago. I discovered that almond milk has been around since medieval times. It was often used because it has a much longer shelf life than cow's or goat's milk (goat's milk! ugh! Sorry, I know lots of people around the world drink milk from other animals, but I just can't even think about it).

Apparently it was also very popular during Lent and fast days since it is not an animal product. I suppose it's a good substitute for vegetarians and vegans. Sounds more appetising than soy milk at least.

I wonder if you can milk a hazelnut?

Have you missed me? Did you even notice my cyber-absence? Hmmmm......

Do you want to know where I've been? Why I couldn't post? Well, do you?

How does it feel to want? Is it a deep, aching feeling?

Ha! Sorry, couldn't resist. Feeling a little snarky today. I haven't had the best of days recently. Vampire stuff. I can't really tell you about it because I promised I wouldn't reveal things on here that would have any affect on my book or upcoming books. *sigh*

I know, I know. You're thinking 'why even mention it?'. Well, let me tell ya this much. If you'd been through what I've been through the past few days and you come home and find that nobody even seemed to have noticed you were gone, you'd be tempted to make a snarky post or two about it yourself. Don't deny it. You might think you wouldn't care or that there would be other things on your mind, but trust me. Your mind would be feeling pretty delicate and easily thrown off, especially when it was already in such a horrid state. Not to mention that every last nerve is way past its edge.

So, why am I here taking it out on you? Who else am I going to take it out on? Ben and Jerry? The Drake's duck? Aunt Jemima? The Pillsbury Dough Boy? I don't even have a gold fish or anything to commiserate with. Heck! I haven't even become attached to my new pillow yet!

I just want to say, this whole vampire thing.... I'm not sure it's all the movies make it out to be. Well, ok, maybe the ones that make it all gory and gross. But the sappy romantic ones. They are definitely leaving out some key elements.

This is going to take more than the ordinary chocolate fix. Have you ever seen the Vicar of Dibley? It's a great Britcom and there's one episode where they give the main character a chocolate fountain as a gift and she dives in head first. I think I need one of those - but dark chocolate or bittersweet please. No milk chocolate is going to cure this hurt! I need the hard stuff!