Have you missed me? Bah! Don't bother lying! I can see that you haven't been coming around. But it's ok, I won't hold that against you. Yet. ;)

Since today is Halloween, I've decided to have a lovely little Halloween Treat for you! Isn't that nice of me? Aren't I just super swell? (this is the part where you say 'Oh yes, Hero, you're wonderful!)

Hmm - needs work, but it'll do.

So - today ONLY - we are going to have hidden coupon codes on the blog for copies of Much Ado About Russian! Woo Hoo!

Today only you can purchase a paperback or digital copy of MAAR at 50% off! Just search through the pages of this blog to find the coupon codes and use them at the sites listed below.

NOTE: if you know others who are interested - please pass on the link to this page and let them have the fun of searching for themselves. Do not just share the coupon codes.


Have fun!

Smashwords - Digital Copies for Kindle, Nook, iPad, PC and more
Find the 5 digit code and go to:
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/66869

My CreateSpace Store* (part of Amazon.com) for paperback
Find the 8 digit code and go to:
https://www.createspace.com/3601725

*My CreateSpace store is owned and operated by Amazon.com. It is a secure site. Amazon provides me with this site so that I can offer discounts and promotions such as this.

Sooo... just some random thoughts that have been on my mind in regards to commercials.

Paper Towel Tantrum: I am SO sick of the paper towel ads that make is seem like a major felony to use more than 1 sheet of paper towel at a time. Seriously, how hard up do you have to be to be obsessed with someone using 3 sheets to clean up a big spill rather than 1? Aren't you more concerned with getting the mess cleaned up? Are you really going to be upset over the use of 2 sheets more than you think you could have made do with? If so, sorry, you've got some issues.

Marital Bliss?: Am I the only one that hates the commercial with the guy who goes to his wife in the greenhouse and tells her he signed up the family for unlimited calling and she says how she should have listened to her mother and married John Clark? I have a couple of issues with this commercial. One: they make the wife out to be a raving bitch. Nice, thank you. Obviously, if an announcement such as his triggers a reaction like that there are some series problems going on in that marriage. Two: Yeah, they were 'free' - free after he signed up for unlimited texting for the family. And we all know that texting is WAY more expensive than regular talking, so odds are he actually spent more for all that unlimited texting than she assumes he spent on the unlimited minutes. No matter how you look at it, the commercial is awkward and uncomfortable and sure as heck doesn't want to make me do business with that company.

May the Force Be With You: On the other hand, don't you just love the commercial with the kid dressed as Darth Vader whose dad makes the car click on and off and the kid thinks it's The Force? That is just awesome! What a really clever idea - kudos to the ad agency who came up with that one.

Where's the Beef: I admit it - I love that Wendy's is revitalizing their classic Where's the Beef campaign. You can't go wrong with a classic!

The Fabric of Whose Life Exactly?: Glad to see the Cotton people have decided to feature some attractive clothes for a change. Anyone remember the one with the bright orange and gold caftan that looked like it came from Mrs. Roper's closet? Don't ask me who was wearing it - she was blonde - but other than that it was too hard to focus on anything other than the incredibly hideous garment.

Eenie Meenie Minie Moe: Can't recall the brand but some uber clever ad guys scored with a great commercial for a pack of gum that contains 2 different flavors. The guy does the old 'eenie meenie' to choose which flavor to have and finds himself with a very large tiger sitting beside him; his caught "toe" in the guy's lap. The guy is dumbfounded and more than a little nervous. Then the tiger says "You're not going to make me holler are you?" Priceless!

The Magic Island: I'm pretty sure it's Target that has an ad where they say 'this house runs on island time' and then they show the family gathered around the kitchen island doing various kitchen things and using appliances like coffee makers and Kitchenaide mixers, griddles, crock pots etc. But here's the thing. There are no outlets on that island. There's no cord on that coffee maker at the beginning of the ad. In fact you never see the cords on any of the appliances. There's no place to plug in that mixer or anything else if they did have their cords. And if you're thinking that the outlets are on the side of the island, the camera shows it fully at the end. No outlets. So it must be a magic island. Wonder if they stock those at Target?

I hope you are all sitting down while you read this. If not, go get a chair. We'll wait.....

Ok, so, what happens in the dreadful, horrendous, inexplicably bone chilling event that you have a problem which can not be solved, or at least be significantly improved via a chocolate infusion? Dear God! Just typing that made me shiver!

Try not to panic, it is a very rare occurrence, I assure you, but since I recently underwent an ordeal of such Gothic and terrifying proportions that even my beloved Ring Dings and New York Super Fudge Chunk were unable to deliver me. Talk about adding insult to injury. Kick a woman while she's down! Oh! The cruel cosmic injustice of it all!

I can't divulge the details of what I endured recently, (sorry, read the page on A Promise), but let's just say getting back to my own home, and getting my hands on large quantities of chocolate were uppermost in my mind once I knew I was safe. And yet, I was left flat.

Oh sure, it was tasty and felt good to have the delicious treats. Don't get me wrong on that score. But there was no uplifting, no sense of well-being and 'all is right with the world' that normally comes from the bliss of eating such delights. Chocolate *gasp* had let me down.

I know, I know. It's a bitter pill to swallow. And I thought I could sink no lower. So, I had some tea - with cookies of course. The tea was soothing on my raw nerves, though again not as much as I'd hoped, but at least I could tell a difference had been made. I moved on to sleep, which was restless and less than peaceful.

In the morning, I tried again, going for the Cocoa Pebbles. Nothing. In desperation, I broke out the big guns, my 'Break Glass in Case of Emergency' chocolate: The Giant Toblerone. Not the ones you find in any old store, oh no, the great big ones that you sometimes see at Christmas and wonder 'who the hell eats a candy bar that big?'. Well, your question has been answered.

It was heavenly. It was also far too much and I got a sugar rush, a headache and a toothache. Don't you dare give me a 'serves you right'. You have no idea what I've been through! But still, the wounds of my tribulation remained.

So, I guess the answer is this: Time may heal all wounds, but chocolate, only some. Consider this a PSA.

Let me start off my saying this post isn't about all of the actual shows coming up, so if you are looking for a complete list of what's going to be new on TV, this isn't the place to look.

As usual, there are the usual assortment of shows that require you to say "are you kidding me?" and wonder how they ever even got past development. The kind where it's painful to even to watch the commercials. Thank God for the mute button! I sometimes wonder if there's some evil plat on the part of network execs to see just how awful they can make some of these shows and we'll watch.

Is it the Bloom and Bialystock method of TV programming? Are there TV producers out there that stand to earn more if their series is canceled rather than picked up? You have to ponder such things when you see previews for such shows as New Girl or Whitney. Ugh!

Of course, it's not all bad. I admit I am looking forward to Pan Am. I suppose I'm hoping it's as well written as Mad Men, which I just love! I suppose it's also because I have a fondness for retro. Other than that, I can't say there's anything I'm truly looking forward to. I might luck out and find some things I like, but I'm not starting out with too many expectations. For instance, I know some of my friends are looking forward to the new Charlie's Angels, but I just can't get excited about it. Maybe I'll be wrong.

Oh! I do think the idea for Terra Nova is interesting. Not a big fan of sci-fi shows in general (yes, I'm aware of the irony), but at least it looks like something new.

What I'm really looking forward to is the return of shows that I already know and like, such as Glee. And is anybody else tired of waiting for Mad Men? Enough already!

So, what looks good to you this Fall?

Ok, so I saw a commercial this morning for almond milk. . . . Yeah, almond milk. Now, it sounds like it might be tasty, after all, I'm pretty fond of almonds, but how the hell do you get milk from an almond?

They're dry! There is no moisture there. Have you ever heard anyone refer to an almond as 'juicy'? I seriously doubt it. And if you have, I hope that it was a case of either English was not their first language or they were heavily medicated.

Aside from coconut, where do you get milk from any kind of nut? Now butter I get because there are oils in nuts, some more than others. I've heard of almond butter as an alternative to peanut butter for those whose nut allergies are restricted specifically to peanuts.

Now just think of that. If I puree them in a blender I'm going to get an oily paste. Tasty? Sure. Drinkable. Ugh! No way!

And yet... someone has managed to create a milk-like product from almonds. Actually, somebody managed to do it centuries ago. I discovered that almond milk has been around since medieval times. It was often used because it has a much longer shelf life than cow's or goat's milk (goat's milk! ugh! Sorry, I know lots of people around the world drink milk from other animals, but I just can't even think about it).

Apparently it was also very popular during Lent and fast days since it is not an animal product. I suppose it's a good substitute for vegetarians and vegans. Sounds more appetising than soy milk at least.

I wonder if you can milk a hazelnut?

Have you missed me? Did you even notice my cyber-absence? Hmmmm......

Do you want to know where I've been? Why I couldn't post? Well, do you?

How does it feel to want? Is it a deep, aching feeling?

Ha! Sorry, couldn't resist. Feeling a little snarky today. I haven't had the best of days recently. Vampire stuff. I can't really tell you about it because I promised I wouldn't reveal things on here that would have any affect on my book or upcoming books. *sigh*

I know, I know. You're thinking 'why even mention it?'. Well, let me tell ya this much. If you'd been through what I've been through the past few days and you come home and find that nobody even seemed to have noticed you were gone, you'd be tempted to make a snarky post or two about it yourself. Don't deny it. You might think you wouldn't care or that there would be other things on your mind, but trust me. Your mind would be feeling pretty delicate and easily thrown off, especially when it was already in such a horrid state. Not to mention that every last nerve is way past its edge.

So, why am I here taking it out on you? Who else am I going to take it out on? Ben and Jerry? The Drake's duck? Aunt Jemima? The Pillsbury Dough Boy? I don't even have a gold fish or anything to commiserate with. Heck! I haven't even become attached to my new pillow yet!

I just want to say, this whole vampire thing.... I'm not sure it's all the movies make it out to be. Well, ok, maybe the ones that make it all gory and gross. But the sappy romantic ones. They are definitely leaving out some key elements.

This is going to take more than the ordinary chocolate fix. Have you ever seen the Vicar of Dibley? It's a great Britcom and there's one episode where they give the main character a chocolate fountain as a gift and she dives in head first. I think I need one of those - but dark chocolate or bittersweet please. No milk chocolate is going to cure this hurt! I need the hard stuff!

This coming Sunday is the 63rd Annual Prime Time Emmy Awards. That time of year when we celebrate excellence in national primetime programming. Or do we?

Let's be completely honest here. Few of us watch these shows anymore, and with the advent of the DVR, if we do watch, we are likely to just record it and forward to the few awards we care about. Unless of course you are fortunate enough to have some gay friends who throw a fabulous Emmy bash, in which case I am seriously envious of you and can you please get me invited to their Oscar party?

Sadly, these days, most of America doesn't really care about the Emmys and if the care at all it's just about the red carpet fashion. Joan Rivers will be sharpening her claws and her tongue just for the occasion in preparation for her usual bawdy observations and low-humor quips. Thank goodness for Closed Caption! You don't actually have to listen to her.

But here's something that I'm really wondering about. While I'm sure that these awards are still very important to the actors, directors, screenwriters etc as well as the networks, do they actually have any influence whatsoever on the viewing audience? With the overabundance of channels and programs to watch, not to mention OnDemand and Netflix instant watch, does the general public put and stock into whether or not a show wins awards? I don't think so. I think people watch what they like and don't watch what doesn't interest them and if their show got an award - great! If some show they haven't the slightest curiosity in should sweep the Emmys it's not going to make them tune in. I think back when we had just a few stations and fewer diversions to entertain us on a Tuesday night people did care. Maybe not a huge amount, but it told them where the quality was and the network with the more awards was likely to have the better shows in the next Fall lineup.

What do you think? Do you feel Emmy awards have any influence over viewers and their choice of what to watch these days?

You see them every week. They are more imperishable than cockroaches. Garbage pickers. No, I don't mean the guys who go through the crap some guy has hoarded in his bard for the past 50 years to find some treasure to restore. I'm talking about the people who come around and take all your recycling and then pick through your garbage cans just in case you forgot to put a can into the recycling bin.

I know it's a strong word, but it really applies here. I hate them. Yes, hate. I know they say once you put the garbage on the curb it's not yours anymore, but let me ask you this; what about those of us who live on narrow streets with no sidewalk and our trash cans and recycle bins never actually leave our property? How is that different than when my trash cans are down by the side of my house all the rest of the week?

You're probably asking why I care and guess what? I'm going to tell you. I care for a couple of reasons. For one thing, it's unsanitary. With all the disease problems we have these days and i watch these parasites go from one set of trash to another, never restricting themselves to solely the recycle bin. Always going into the trash bags, tearing them open and rummaging around then moving on the next house. That's disgusting! And you come home without thinking a thing about it and grab that barrel and lid and put them back together and drag them back down where they belong, and now all those lovely germs gathered from dozens and dozens of bags of trash before you are all on your hands and clothes.

Then there's the fact that they are tearing open these bags. You take the care to make sure everything is securely ties up and now if it's a windy day suddenly your street is covered in trash, thanks to the pickers. And the trash collectors aren't going to pick it up. It will blow all over the street, your yard, your neighbor's yards. How nice.

And then there's this. This is what really annoys me. I don't know how it works where you live, but in my town, our recycling bin is supplied to us by the town. It is designated for recyclables that the town has contracted with a company to pick up and dispose of. My town receives an amount of money based on the amount of recycling gathered and that money goes to help my town. Now some people might say 'Oh how much could they really be getting? It's not enough to matter." Really? Consider this: one trash picker makes enough from collecting cans to make his car payments and pay his car insurance. That's just one person out of dozens - literally dozens - picking trash in one town. Add all that up and think what that might come out to. It would come out to a lot of reduced or free lunches for needy kids at the schools as well as other educational programs. Actually, it doesn't really matter what it would be used for, the point is, it would be used for something that tax dollars wouldn't be needed for.

Now, when I drink my Diet Sprite and rinse out the can and put it in my recycling bin, I have a choice. I can choose to take those cans back to the store and get the deposit back for myself, or I can choose to put my town provided recycling bin out for the town contracted recycling company to pick up so that the money for those recyclables will go to benefit my town. At no point in time am I making a choice to have some low life come and pick through my garbage, spreading disease and take money away from my town so they can drive a better car than I do without bothering to work a regular job for it.

I really believe a low should be passed. If someone puts their recycling in those town/city provided bins and puts them on the curb on pickup day, they should then be considered property of the town and to collect them should be stealing. That would put and end to the trash pickers.

From time to time, I get asked things about my relationship with Kin, the people I mention in my book and what will happen in upcoming books, etc. I thought I would address a few of those things here.

I've been asked why I don't go into more detail in the love scenes. I did mention this before in another post, as well as in the book, but I'll mention it again. I may kiss and tell, but I don't 'you know what' and tell. At least not in detail. Personally, I can't stand reading things with ridiculous euphemisms for the male anatomy and silly, flowery descriptions of what goes on between a man and a woman. And I sure as heck am not about to reduce my personal love life to torrid, soft core porn for entertainment purposes. I've got nothing against erotica if that's what you're into. Great, go for it! But remember, I'm talking about my life. I'm baring my soul here. Let me keep something to myself.

Some have asked if certain types of creatures and supernatural beings will show up in my books. Really? Am I clairvoyant now? It wasn't so long ago I would have sworn on a stack of bibles.... hmm, yeah, I believe in God but not too religious. Ok. I would have sworn on the fate of every Ring Ding in the world that vampires absolutely did not exist. And yet... here I am blogging about my book series featuring my vampire boyfriend, not to mention shape shifters and faeries. I'm still coming to grips with the fact that these other species are real and in my life. I haven't considered the possibility of the existence of other beings let alone asked for confirmation or introductions. Please, I can only take so much in such a short period of time. If and when any new mythical creatures should become un-mythical (heaven help me!) you will read about them in my books.

I love this one. I have been asked if I am always so angry or always so quick to angry. Well, let me put it this way. Go back and make a list of all the things that happened to me and the time frame in which they happened. Keep in mind, among other factors, that I live in the house I grew up in, where I should always feel safe. That the only weapon I had against Leontine was that I could get under her skin. And that I was forced to place my trust and literally my life in the hands of my new vampire boyfriend whom I hardly new. And in case you didn't get it, I had just found out that vampires were real! I had a butt-load of really huge crap to try and deal with in less than 72 hours. It's easy to armchair quarterback and say what you think you would do or what you think I should have done, but unless you are actually there living it with your life on the line and your home being destroyed, you really don't know. Give me a little break, ok? And keep in mind that what you are seeing as anger might also be fear and insecurity. And I do believe that I happened to mention somewhere along the line that I was fond of sarcasm. :)

Are you ready for this one? Someone asked if I was "setting up" for a love triangle between me and Kin and Mike. Whoa!!! WTF? First of all, this is my life I am writing about. I am not "setting up" for anything. Second... ew! I think Mike is a great guy and all, but... aside from the fact that he's way too young for me, it would be like taking advantage of someone's little brother. I do not think of him that way. Not to mention, Kin and I are still at the beginning of our relationship and you are looking for me to screw it up by involving another vampire? What's wrong with you people?

And last but not least, will Kin and I get married. Ugh..... gee, good question. I have no freaking idea. We haven't been dating that long. Who knows what might happen?

So, I hope that answers some of your questions. Keep 'em coming!

Hero

I admit, I love a bunch of YA shows like Pretty Little Liars, Switched at Birth, The Lying Game etc. And I've been seeing ads for all the new Fall shows coming on. It occurred to me that almost all of the female leads in just about all of these shows have a butt-load of money. Ok, they're parents do, but it amounts to the same thing.

They wear expensive clothes, have their own cars at 16, naturally have cell phones and laptops. That goes without saying. But the clothes! And the accessories! Unless they're using really good knock-offs, some of these teens are sporting bags that cost more than I earn in a month!

It's pretty sad when a woman in her 30s is watching a show about a 16 year-old and envying her enormous walk-in closet full of designer clothes, shoes and accessories that's bigger than my bathroom. Yeah, ok, it's fiction, I get it, but still. The people writing these books that the shows are based off of, the people buying and reading these books, and the execs deciding to buy the rights to these books and make them into shows obviously think this is a reasonable portrayal.

And on one show, a parent was cavalierly going to write his son a check for up to $1,000 for settling a poker debt! Again! Even though he was perturbed that this was a recurring problem, he was still quick to pull out the checkbook and offer up the money. When he started quoting figures up around three grand then he got really angry. And, same show, the parents called in the two daughters sick to school to go out shopping for cars for their 16th birthday. Yeah, because they don't sell cars on weekends.

But even the shows that try and come off as more mainstream, I just keep looking at the way these girls dress and they are almost always in dresses or skirts and humongous heels and super decked out. When I was in high school - which wasn't all that long ago - if you got dolled up like that you were trying too hard to impress someone. What happened to jeans and hoodies? Apparently, none of these families have heard of Old Navy.

And they can all go out any time of the day and night. Yeah, I know, it would screw up the plot line otherwise. I guess part of me is jealous. I want to go back to being 16 with a new sports car, a wardrobe that cost more than the yearly income of Average American Worker, and is so vast I almost never have to wear the same thing twice. I want to wear Mac and other designer make-up when I'm still a kid instead of Cover Girl and Maybelline and whatever's on sale at CVS. I want designer shoes and boots to coordinate with each and every outfit, with matching purses. None of this one purse in the Fall for Back to School and you use it until it wear out crap. Oh wait! I still do that.

What is with the bizarre Dairy Queen commercials? Bubbles with kittens? Rock n' roll falcons? Mary Lou Retton in a piñata? Does any of that make you want to run out and buy a Blizzard?

Well, ok, granted, if you're anything like me, just the mere mention of Dairy Queen is enough to make you want a blizzard. But seriously, is this an effective ad campaign? Is Dairy Queen aka DQ not already a household brand, known far and wide across the USA? It's not like an upstart company trying to build brand recognition with crack-pot guerrilla tactic advertising. They're already well established.

Sooooooooo - then what the hell's up with the dumb ass commercials? I don't think they are clever or funny. In fact, it makes me question the sanity of both DQs top executives and the PR firm they are using. Just think - somewhere there is someone getting paid a ridiculous amount of money for this ad campaign. It boggles the mind, doesn't it?

Not that their previous campaign with the disembodied talking lips was much better. Too Rocky Horror. And I love Rocky Horror. I'm a member of the Official Fan Club! But I don't want Rocky Horror hawking my DQ. Just too creepy.

Oh you silly, silly DQ people. Don't you realize that your products sell themselves? Don't you know that in places where your shops are only open seasonally, customers go running through the streets announcing opening day like Steve Martin getting a new phone book?

Hey - go back to using the Dennis the Menace kids! They were cute. Who doesn't like cartoon kids? Better than a rock n' roll falcon. Even if he does mention Boston.

I've been asked if book 2 will be coming out soon. Well, I suppose that depends on what you call 'soon'.

If all goes well, I hope to have book 2 available in December (don't hold me to it though, life with a vampire is very uncertain). Hmm. That would make a heck of a bumper sticker wouldn't it? "Life with a Vampire is uncertain". Can't argue with it.

Frankly, there's enough that's gone on for a few books, but I can only write so quickly. After all, I've got to actually live my life in the mean time and do all my work etc. But I'll do my best to get it out to you asap.

In fact... what am I doing here? I should be writing!

Catch ya later!

If I haven't mentioned it before (and I'm pretty sure I have - and will again, so get used to it), it's not easy to keep thinking of things to blog about day after day.

So, today, I'm just going to ramble about whatever comes into my head. So fasten your seat belts, people. It's going to be a bumpy ride! Ok - there's a place to start. One of the greatest movie lines ever - from All About Eve, Bette Davis' "Fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a bumpy night!" What actress wouldn't have loved to have delivered that line? But guess what? It was not her favorite. I know - shocking! It was some lame comment about washing her hair. No accounting for taste!

Ok, more random nonsense. Remember my post earlier this week about TV Land? Well, do you know where that phrase came from? Bullwinkle Moose. That's right! Good ol' Bullwinkle coined that phrase when he said "Hello out there in TV land." See, this blog is educational.

How about this for random? I've been asked about my inaugural blog post where I mentioned my Gift and the singing sensations of the snack cake isle. The question was, what about the Entenmann's? Well, I can only speculate. Understand, the Ring Dings et all, call to be to be appreciated, and ultimately, eaten. They don't discuss the inner social standings of the pre-packed pastry community with me. However, I suspect the Entenmann's don't call out and participate because they think they're too good for it. After all, they do get their own special tables and end caps. Don't get me wrong, I love those tasty little chocolate chip cookies as much as anyone, but I was asked, and here you go.

Ok, let's see what else, what else? Oh! I read that in San Salvador, drunk drivers can be shot before a firing squad. Now, I don't know if that's true or not, but it's something to think about isn't it?

Is this the 1950's again? Did I miss the ride in the souped up DeLorean? Where are the saddle shoes, bobby socks, crew cuts and Letterman jackets? Are those 45s of Fats Domino, Little Richard, Elvis and the Everly Brothers I hear pumping out of the old Wurlitzer? Hello? McFly?

Well, then explain to me the huge rash of 3D everywhere you look. 3D movies aren't enough. Oh no. No, we've got to have 3D televisions in our home now! We even have to branch out into 4D with scratch n' sniff (I've got one word - Polyester - look it up if you don't get the reference).

Ok, fine so 3D effects are cool, but how cool are they when you see them in every other movie? And what's going to happen next? Will stores start selling designer 3D glasses for those that are too chic for the paper style? Can't you just see it now. Special kiosks in the mega-plex theater filled with 3D glasses by Marc Jacobs, Playboy, Gucci, Channel, Dolce & Gabanna, Versace, DKNY, perhaps Disney and Nick will have their own lines for the tots. What am I saying? No maybe about it! If there's a market to be cashed in on you know they'll be leading the way.

Ugh! Can't you just see the Old Navy mannequins hawking them now? In a rainbow of colors for the whole family! *squee!* Combine that with the 3D effects and you'll need to be selling anti-nausea medicine at the concession stands.

Franky, I think it's just another way for Hollywood to cover up that it just keeps cranking out one crappy movie after another. Gee, if we dazzle them with 3D, not only will they pay to see it in the theater, netting us more cash, but they will hardly notice how much it sucks!

Don't buy into the propaganda people! Demand quality movies with quality stories, casting and directing, not just cool effects.

Now before you go jumping to conclusions, when I say it's sad, I don't mean that the people who participate in online dating are sad ie: pathetic. What I mean is I think it's sad that our society has, I hate to say evolved, but for lack of a better word, evolved to a state where our physical interaction with people has become so limited where we truly have a need for online dating services.

I love my computer as much as anyone. Heck! I'd be deep doo doo without it. I make my living with it. But between the internet and cell phones and texting and on and on, we have become so technologically advanced that we've advanced ourselves right out of normal social interaction.

We all have SO many friends these days! But... what percentage of those friends are from FaceBook and not actually part of your physical day to day life? (you will note I do not say 'real life') I've connected with old friends and made new ones online too, but how many of them have I actually seen face to face? Damn few. Even the actual friends that are part of your physical life you don't see as often as you might have ten years ago. Why? Because now you can text them and email them and keep up to date on FaceBook and Twitter. You don't really need to make time to be together in person to catch up with one another, you can do it through technology when it's convenient.

So it's no wonder why people have to resort to meeting potential mates via computer dating services. Their opportunities for meeting new people in person have dwindled as their virtual worlds have grown. While I am glad that the people who use those sites are finding happiness, I just can't help feel sad that they are not meeting them the old fashioned way. You see someone; you feel a spark; you flirt; you ask about him/her; all the fun and mystery that goes into meeting someone new and getting their interest. It just doesn't hold any romance to me to be matched by a computer.

And again, I love my computer. And I value all the friends I've made and reconnected with online. I just wish we didn't have to trade so much face to face time for face to screen time.
As much as we gain by being able to connect globally via the internet, we also miss out on a lot.

I'm sure most of us remember the inception of the TV Land network. It was born out of Nickelodeon's Nick at Night which used to show old TV show reruns, like The Dick Van Dyke Show and Mr. Ed before it found pay-dirt with endless reruns of Sponge Bob Squarepants and iCarly. The Nick people branched out into a second network just for those viewers who were thrilled to be able to watch old reruns of I Love Lucy, Donna Reed, Hazel, Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie and other classic gems.

In recent years, TV Land has definitely veered away from its roots and left most of the vintage fare behind in favor of Everybody Loves Raymond and Roseanne and Home Improvement. Not that I dislike those shows. Hell, I love ELR! I know they're nuts and mean but I'd take the Barone's over my Dad and William any day! But as great as they are, it's not what I think of when I think of 'old classics'. Maybe I just don't want to think of shows I watched as an adult - or near adult - as being considered 'classic' now. Sort of like hearing your senior prom theme on the oldies station. But come on - Extreme Makeover: Home Edition? Boston Legal? Are these really old enough to be 'classic TV'? To me, their programming like All in the Family and Sanford and Son is more in keeping with what TV Land is supposed to be. Maybe that's the problem. I guess that's not what TV Land wants to be anymore.

TV Land is branching out in a big way these days. They are running rampant with their own original programming. While I have to say Hot in Cleveland is one of my favorite shows. I actually DVR it while I watch it - just in case! Who doesn't love Betty White? And Happily Divorced is cute, but Retired at 35? Ugh, I can pass. I'd rather see a rerun I've seen so much I know it by heart. And now there's going to be even more new shows! The Exes which looks meh at best, despite Wayne Knight. And honestly, I can't remember what the other commercial I saw was for. Oh - and I know it's not brand new - but really - Joan Rivers' show How'd You Get So Rich? Really? Who's brain child was that? I can't believe it got renewed for a 2nd season. Joan and Melissa must know a lot of Nielsen families.

Oh TV Land, why must you forsake us? Don't stray from your crusade to keep the flicker of the classic black and white TV show blazing from our screens. Especially now that most of them have been restored and we all have hi-def TVs! Please TV Land, go back to your roots and help us go back to ours.

So... I guess it's good-bye to retro.

So, yesterday we talked about how the MDA Telethon used to be cool. People used to watch it, actually look forward to it so they could see the big stars. Volunteers, especially teenagers, across the country would work to raise funds for Jerry's Kids. Corporations would have prominently placed places for you donate your change etc and/or buy products that would result in proceeds going to the MDA.

Now you might see some of those tacky paper shamrocks in your local supermarket. You know what I mean. You pay a buck and you can have them write a name on the shamrock and it gets hung up somewhere in the store. I doubt most people even have any idea what they're for. Where are the special 7-11 Slurpee cups? Where are the collectible McDonald's glasses? Where are the 'Run your own MDA carnival' kits?

Well, I guess part of that is because it's not PC to raise for "Jerry's Kids" any more. In fact, I don't even know if they are "Jerry's Kids" any more. Jerry Lewis is persona non grata with the MDA. After many years of effort on the part of many disabled people, including some former MDA poster children, Jerry has left the building. They objected to what they call the "pity method" of fund raising and wanted the MDA and Lewis especially to change their ways and show handi-capable adults leading productive lives and how their donations could help them rather than show the children in very serious states would will likely never live to be able to be on their own or even in assisted living environments.

But let's face it people, that's what gets the money flowing. Does St Jude's show pictures of healthy, active kids out riding bikes or young adults getting married and say 'see, because you donated we were able to cure little Timmy and now he's out riding his bike with his friends. And we were able to cure Samantha and now she's grown and ready to start her own family'. No. They don't. And why don't they? Because people are more willing to part with their money when they see the people who need help right now. Right this minute. Today. Like it or not, that is the way the world is. And like it or not, you still want that money flowing, don't you? I've even read where they want the big sponsors to stop going on the telethon to give their checks since it's not like the money was raised that day, but over many months (really? Gee, who would ever have guessed that?) and what they are really doing is paying for advertising. You know what they are doing? They are saying we can choose to give our money to any charity we want and we choose this one. We think this is the one that is worthwhile and important and we hope you will to, so why don't you give what you can. That's what's going on. And who made that happen? Jerry Lewis.

But now that's all over and it will never be again. The MDA is going to see a marked difference in their totals, of that I'm certain. And it will continue to drop. They should have been nurturing someone as co-host to take over for Jerry these past few years, but none of the choices are really that good. I mean, Nancy O'Dell? I don't think so. We won't ever see anyone exhausted on there - well - there won't be any more near-24 hour stint to make them exhausted - and in tears as the tote board rolls, all choked up singing 'You'll Never Walk Alone'. Good, bad or indifferent Jerry cared. He really did. Was he politically incorrect. Sure. He was from a different era and he was unapologetic for his views. Should he have been more PC and sensitive. Probably. Does it change how much he cared, how much he sacrificed, how hard he worked year after year even when he was horribly sick himself? No. Not one bit.

Thank you, Jerry. Thank you for 44 years plus of hard work. Forty-four years of Labor Day Telethons - plus all the years before when they were held on Thanksgiving and other days locally in New York. Thank you for never giving up no matter how ill you were or what people said. Thank you for bringing telethons, fund-raising and charities to a national level so we could learn about MD and other disorders and so millions of people could benefit from the funds you helped raise.

Let's end this post on a high note - Michael Jackson high - here he is with his brothers in 1974 singing Dancing Machine on the Telethon!

When I was a kid, my mom would insist on watching the Jerry Lewis Telethon on Labor Day. Naturally, a member of the MTV generation, I found it really annoying to watch that when so many other things were calling me on the myriad of cable channels. But, hey, I was a kid. I felt bad for the kids they showed with MD, but I couldn't fully appreciate what the telethon was all about.

But my mom, she would tell me every year, over and over, all about how Jerry Lewis dedicated himself to this cause since the 60's. How it grew from one station in New York to hundreds of stations across the country. There was a family a few doors down from us with three daughters, all several years older than me, who were very involved with groups like the Girl Scouts and school organizations that raised money for the Telethon every year. Apparently, they used to put out info on how to run your own fund raising events, like your own MDA Carnival.

She told me how back before cable, everyone who wasn't away on vacation (and even sometimes those who were) would keep the Telethon on all the time so they could see the big stars on performing and talking with Jerry. I heard about the famous reunion of Lewis and Martin, organized by Frank Sinatra. Mom choked up when she told me about the time they raised so much money that Ed McMahon and Jerry Lewis had to paint a "1" on the tote board because there weren't enough digits.

Big corporations, like 7-11 etc., would have special products out to support Jerry's Kids with a portion of the proceeds going to the cause. Then, on Labor Day, you'd see some beg exec from McDonald's or wherever hand over their big check and the timpani would roll and the tote board would show a big new total of money raised. And of course, Jerry would cry, and at the end of it all he would sing "You'll Never Walk Alone".

Mom lamented in her final years how none of the really big, influential stars seemed to make time to come on the show for just a few minutes. Sure, some of them could be filming somewhere or on tour, but it used to be important for the A Listers to make time. After all, it's not as if you don't know when Labor Day is going to be. Years in advance even. I think she felt that was one of the bog reasons it had list its popularity. Frankly, I think it was cable. I mean, come on, we can see famous people and movies any time we want on TV (and now on the computer). It's not the draw it once was to see Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr, Joe Namath, etc. on TV because you can pretty much see them on your TV whenever you want.

But, I suppose she did have a point. After all, if something special was going to happen, maybe you would turn in. Then again, you'd probably just wait and watch it on YouTube.

Speaking of YouTube.... here for your viewing pleasure, is the reunion of Martin and Lewis. Enjoy!

Now, if you've read my book (and if you haven't, you need to!), then this sentiment needs no explanation. No matter what your feelings about the feline species, once an obnoxious blonde Amazon who can shift into an orange tabby tries to kill you, you're just never going to have the same affection for them.

But even before my encounter with the gargantuan Garfield, I wasn't much of a cat person. Oh, other people's cats were ok, because you didn't have to live with them. Sort of like kids. It's fun to visit them and play with them and even spoil them, but that doesn't mean you want all the responsibility and headaches 24/7.

I'd rather have a dog, thank you. I know, you're thinking, why don't you have a dog? Well, we did have a dog, but we had to find him a new home when mom got sick. It was horrible, having to send Buddy to a new home. Mom loved him so much. He was just a rescue mutt, but she adored him. She had had him for over twelve years. And now that she's gone, it just doesn't seem right for me to have one when I never know when I'm going to go away for a weekend or whatever. There's no one else to take care of a pet if I go away.

And while some people say with a cat you can leave them for a few days or whatever, I still wouldn't have one. They get on your counters and tables. I don't care what anyone says, you may be able to train them to stay off the counters and tables when you're home, but when you're out, they do as they please. I've gone to water plants and collect mail for friends on vacation and found their perfectly trained cats on the counter, in the sink, lounging on tables, etc. And they look at me like "What? You don't live here, what do I care what you think?"

Dogs don't do that. You train a dog, he's trained. And even if you have a stubborn dog that just really wants to lie on the couch, the second he hears anyone approaching, he's going to run and make sure whoever comes through that door sees a good dog. See - right there - dogs are smarter.

You can train dogs to do all sorts of things. What can you train cats to do? Use a litter box, come when they hear the can opener. Yay! Big deal. Dogs are company. The comfort and cuddle and have such expressive faces. Cats are aloof, they come to you when they want something out of it. If you call them and they come it's because it suits their needs. If it doesn't, they ignore you or even leave the room to get away from you. Dogs are happy to see you when you come home, no matter what. Come hell or high water, no matter what kind of day you've had, you open that door at the end of the day and there's a happy little face and a wagging tail to great you. With a cat, you might get greeted with an "oh, it's you. Decided to come home did you?" attitude.

Dogs play with you, and not with fuzzy catnip toys that you have to use to dope them up to get them to play. They want to be with you. They know instinctively when you need them to be near you. They also provide protection and a sense of security. Despite the joke signs, is any home really protected by an attack cat?

And for those of you who want to argue that cats are smarter, let me leave you with this thought.... Ever hear of a seeing-eye-cat? How about bomb-sniffing cats and drug-sniffing cats, or police squads with feline units? Cats trained to assist kids who have seizures or other serious ailments? Ever see a cat with a barrel around its neck for saving people in the Swiss Alps? Yeah, that's what I thought. Dogs Rule!!!

In a world where Hollywood can barely seem to come up with new movie material (unless it arrives in the form of a comic book, pardon me, graphic novel) I've often wondered why no one has thought to revive Love Boat. But, dear God, not as a movie!

Can you even begin to imagine the pain and horror that would be Love Boat: The Movie? *shudders* Ugh! One crotch/bodily function joke after another, interlaced with completely gratuitous nudity and more sex than an evening on Cinemax After Dark. And the cast. Ew! I can't go there. You'll have to imagine that one yourselves. It's too much for me.

However, handled properly, with the right touch of lighthearted comedy, an occasional touch of drama or pathos, maybe even a bit of mystery, it could be done. You'd need a top notch writing team. One with a proven track record at writing for ensemble cast comedies, such as Frasier, Everybody Loves Raymond or even Hot in Cleveland (I can't help myself, I adore Betty White and the show is freaking hysterical!).

Americans love to laugh. It's a fact. And Saturday night TV just hasn't been the same since Love Boat and Fantasy Island left. Though, I must admit, I did like the remake of Fantasy Island with Malcolm McDowell. Very different from Ricardo Montalbán, but very entertaining just the same. A fun comedy like the Love Boat, with different story lines every week, different guest stars, etc. I think it's time for a revival!

And lo-o-ove, won't hurt anymore, It's an open smile on a friendly shore..... Everybody - SING!

We've all been there. The supermarket. You've got your cart filled, you're nearing the end of your list. Just a few more items. You turn into the isle to get one of those final items and.... *screech!* You have to come to a grinding halt because the stock person (very PC of me, I know) is restocking a shelf. Apparently a critically important shelf, because not only is he restocking it, but he must keep all shoppers from coming anywhere near the general vicinity of the fresh stock by parking his big ass stocking cart smack dab in the middle of the isle.

So, you pause there a moment, thinking, as most rational people would, that the clueless clerk will realize you're there and he has thoughtlessly blocked the way and will move the cart, apologizing politely as he does so. Wrong! If you think that's going to happen, you underestimate the training these clerks have had. You see, they have been trained to be so single minded in their tasks that not only are they completely unaware that you need to get by them, they don't even realize there is anyone else in the isle! It's sort of like reverting to selective hearing as a child, except they have been trained by experts.

And why would supermarket management train them to do this you ask? Simple! In fact, it's rather obvious. If we can't get by them, it means we must go around them. So, we go down another isle. An isle we may have already been down, or had no intention of going down. Our flow has been interrupted. We've been annoyed, frustrated and are now even more prone to impulse buying. Don't laugh. You can't tell me that if you get pissed off in the supermarket that the box of Double Stuff Oreos you showed amazing willpower over five minutes ago won't find it's way into your cart if you are forced to travel by them again in an agitated state. After all, now you deserve them!

Paranoid? Perhaps. But when the world is out there plotting against you, paranoid is just good thinking.

Think of this as a PSA more than a blog post. Or, well, just as much as a blog post. I know, thanks to Twilight and True Blood and all kinds of other vampire fiction out there that there are women (especially teen girls under the false impression that vampires should sparkle), that think there is something extra romantic about dating a vampire.

Now don't get me wrong, I love Kin and I'm not knocking him. Not at all. I just want to set the record straight that when you date a vampire - he's still a guy. Yes, a guy with a very unique set of baggage, but a guy nonetheless.

Ok, I don't have to deal with the food and drink issues: no mass quantities of food required for sporting events, no greasy calorie-ridden fast food when you're trying to diet, no beer, baked beans, deviled eggs (I shouldn't have to explain that), etc. But that gets replaced by the fact that you can't go out to eat together. At the movies, you are the only one scarfing down popcorn and Twizzlers. You're the only one with late night cravings - well, late night cravings that can be satisfied legally at the local 7-11.

But there are still the same old issues of listening/talking. Communication will forever be an issue between men and women of any er, kind. I was going to say 'species' but, frankly, just don't like going there. He may not be technically human anymore, but he was and he still does a damn good job of passing for one. They still think if you have a problem of any kind whatsoever that mentioning it to them, or even in their presence, means that you expect them to fix it for you. God! I hate that!

And living for decades, or even hundreds of years does not keep them from squeezing the toothpaste from the middle of the tube! It really makes me want to smack him, especially when he does it to my toothpaste, but I'd just hurt my hand and be even angrier. Nor does time teach them where to appropriately place wet towels after a shower. Fortunately for me, Kin is very neat and there are no issues of other things not being deposited where they belong. One thing I hate is having to act like some guy's mother and pick up after him.

Vampire men are still clueless as to a woman's feelings. They don't know what upsets us or why. What makes us cry and whether it's a good cry or a bad cry. In fact, they are just as dumbfounded by the concept of a good cry. No matter how strong and virile they are, they are rendered helpless when they can't fix an emotional situation. Sound familiar ladies?

They are prone to every male pitfall and stereotype out there. If you can find it in a human male, you can find it in a vampire male. And what's worse, is the ones that have been around for centuries and still cling to their old-fashioned ideals. You know, like women should just be home caring for the home and children, and not treated much better than a children themselves. Don't even get me started on that one! I could rant for days!

Then there is the obvious and oft-pointed-out issue of the fact that you age and they don't. I guess I don't really need to go into that one. Oh - and the fact that they feed on blood. There is no synthetic blood in the real world for them to substitute (wish there was!). And, as you already know if you've read my book (don't make me say it!) the whole, how do I tell my friends I'm dating a vampire issue.

So really, when you stop and tally it all up, on paper, it looks like dating a vampire vs a human is not such a good idea. Huh. Not where I thought this was going to go. Hmm. Well, of course generic lists such as this don't take things like personality and such into consideration. Oh crap! Now I need chocolate.

Ok, make of it what you will!

Yes, you read that right. Today I saw a commercial for testosterone replacement medication. For men who want to replace testosterone that lessens naturally with age. Let me repeat the key phrase in that sentence - that lessens NATURALLY. Meaning that's the way the body is supposed to work.

But now, some drug company has put it out there that they can reverse this natural process and replace the testosterone so guys can feel younger and more virile. You know, it was one thing when Oil of Olay and things came out for women's skin, but products like this and Viagra and Enzyte (God I hate the Enzyte commercials!) and now this other product are out there making men believe they're not supposed to age at all. That they're supposed to behave physically at 60 the way they were at 25. Give me a break!

Does it irritate anyone else that pharmaceutical companies spend millions of dollars (and take up precious FDA time and resources) for Viagra and Enzyte type products, and and now testosterone replacements! Ugh! I'm sorry, but wouldn't all that money, time, experience, skill, resources etc, etc, etc, be much better spent on serious diseases and conditions?

Yeah, yeah. Some people say that because some guys can't get it up it may lead to other problems, like depression etc. But seriously, maybe we are a society too preoccupied with sex as it is. I like sex as much as the next gal, but I'd rather see them working on a cure for cancer or MS, MD, Parkinson's, Alzheimer's or any number of other really serious medical problems. And even if you think erectile dysfunction is something to be dealt with, ok fine, but "male enhancement"? Replacing testosterone? Ugh.

Sorry, but I really want to slap that smile off of Smiling Bob's face.

Hero.

In case you haven't noticed, since I started this blog a few weeks ago, the post topics have been pretty varied. This is sort of the Seinfeld of blogs. It's the blog about nothing.

I notice most blogs have some sort of central theme. But here, you just never know what's going to be discussed. Even if I could think of one theme that I think I could talk about a lot, I don't really think I could stay on topic. Hell, I have trouble staying on topic just within a single post!

But it does make me think about this whole blogging thing. After all, I am still really new at this. It's not easy to think of things to post about day after day. So, let me hear from you. Aside from things that would impact my books, are there any topics you'd like to read about here? Things you're wondering about? Things that bug you and you want to know if others feel the same way? Let me know!

Do you get ticked off by people picking cans out of your trash? Are you irritated by ads for restaurants or stores that seem to be on every commercial break, but there aren't any located anywhere near you? Do you wonder how we ever stayed "regular" without special yogurt, vitamin supplements or fibrous breakfast cereals? Are you sick of low-quality remakes of movies and cheesy CGI film versions of Saturday morning cartoons? Jersey barriers: Do you think sometimes the road crews leave them there just to screw with you? Coffee rush traffic jams - why can't people make their own freaking coffee? The 3D obsession: Do we really need to see everything in 3D? The Hilarity of weird TV show names when scanning the Guide.

Give me a shout out. Tell me your thoughts and ideas.

Hero.

You must have noticed that on almost any network that has commercials you will see constant ads for multiple air scent products. There are sprays, plug-ins, solids, automatic motion sensing, oils, diffusers, and an endless array of candles.

We seem to be a society obsessed with our air smelling like anything but air. Now, I get the need for a bit of air freshener in the kitchen after you've cooked certain foods and well, not to be indelicate, in the bathroom. However, do we really need a Glade Plug-In or Febreeze Flameless Luminary in every room of the house?

I enjoy the scent of a nice candle as much as anyone. Hey, I live in the land of Yankee Candle! But that's something for once in a while. It's something to treat yourself to, to luxuriate it. If you have it going in every corner of the house every waking moment... ugh! I'd have a headache.

What the heck is wrong with just a nice clean house and open windows with fresh clean air? Ok, so maybe some of you are unfortunate enough to live in close proximity to the local dump, or certain industrial plants that make open windows and fresh air an impossibility, but for most of us, that is a viable option.

I have to laugh watching the commercials where the people walk past the air freshener product and raise their nose in the air like a dog walking by a table full of food. They sniff, inhale deeply and they smile contentedly. Yeah, nice job Madison Ave. That's all we need to be happy at home. The scent of tropical flowers and vanilla. Oh! If only our parents' generation could have realized this! What a blissfully different home-life we would have had. Our parents wouldn't have been as stressed or grouchy. A puff of jasmine laced air would have instantly soothed away all the difficulties of the day. Are you ready to gag yet?

And in the meantime, we spend tons of money every year on this crap - and not just for ourselves, but for others! We give them as gifts! We impose our obsession with scented air onto others! They really have us hooked.

Now, before you go posting replies yelling at me because you love your Febreeze or Glade candles or whatever, let me restate, I do like candles etc - sometimes. I'm just saying these companies and their advertising have made a lot of people feel like we've got to have the air around us scented 24/7. All I'm saying is, what's wrong with just plain old fresh air? If your home is clean and there are no outside forces keeping you from opening your windows, why not just enjoy clean, fresh air? Save the scented stuff for when you need it and when you feel like treating yourself. Make it something special.

Oh - one last thought. Am I the only one that hated those stupid commercials where the dumb woman would try and pass off the Glade candles as designer candles and they'd call them Gla-de. Really? Who honestly cares if someone's candles are designer? Designer candles? Sorry, I think I'd have to slap somebody if they got all worked up over whether a candle was designer or came from the grocery store. And don't even get me started on the Febreeze ads with the morons who put their faces into places they know smell bad and inhale!

As Labor Day quickly approaches, so does the first day of school. Now, I've been out of school for, well, a number of years, but it still depresses me to see all these Back To School shopping ads. I do love the idea of new clothes for Fall. But still, BTS means and end of Summer; the end of freedom; a return to teachers and homework and annoying and sometimes really upsetting peers. Yeah, I'm sure you're stupefied to learn that a girl named Hero had issues with bullies in school. I'll give you a moment to recover from the shock.

Not that I was at the bottom of the food chain. I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I traveled in my own little circle and was fairly popular with the mid-level citizenry. And school and I would have gotten along just fine if it weren't for a few really sore sticking points. Such as: Mandatory attendance; forced hard labor (aka gym class); perpetual public humiliation (aka - aka gym class); unreasonable expectations (homework and projects that interfered with social and TV schedules - like we had no life outside of school!); and the constant, unrelenting (and SO unwelcome) imposed interaction with inferior beings (aka stupid/boring/annoying/snotty/and otherwise undesirable classmates). I'm sure many of you can agree.

If I could have had more of a say in who I was in class with, what my schedule was and the expected work load, .... yeah, who am I kidding, I would have been in class with the same 12 - 15 people, done little to no work and went to school 2 days a week and 5 days off instead of the other way around. There's no denying it.

The only good thing about school was my friends. The social part was great! (when I wasn't being teased about my name) I'd make a terrible parent, now that I think about it. I'd totally sympathize with my kid and let them stay home from school and wouldn't care if they slacked off on their homework. I mean, come on, so far in life the greatest use I've had for the majority of stuff I learned in high school has come from watching Jeopardy! (which I totally rock, btw)

I'd be good at BTS clothes shopping, being the Mom that let's all the kids hang out at their place and the kids feel comfortable talking to. Other than that, I would fail my re-entry into the high school system.

Guess it's a good thing there are no children in my future! I think.

Hero

So what are we doing today, Hero? Well! I'm glad you asked!

Today, in honor of the anniversary of the Beatles traveling to Wales to study TM with the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi (yes, I was desperate for an anniversary to celebrate, it was either this or the organization of Brotherhood of Sleeping Car Porters in Harlem in 1925 - plus, I'm a Beatles fan) ahhh..... ok, lost my train of thought. Hang on....

Oh, right! Ok, in honor of the whole TM/Maharishi/Beatle thing back in 1967, I am giving away free copies of my book. Yup - that's right! FREE - I'll say it again..... Fuhhhhrrreeeeeeeee.

I'm not into the whole TM thing. You already know my mantra is Eat Chocolate Every Day and the closest I come to meditating is when I am completely engrossed in the delights of a container of Ben and Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk. So, in lieu of the search for inner peace (and we all know how that turned out - and if you don't, pick up a book - after you read mine, of course) I decided to offer my fans free copies of my book!

So - where are the free copies? Well, you didn't think I was going to make it easy did you? Come on people! When do I make things easy? (that was rhetorical) You want the free copy? You'll have to find it. After all - there's got to be some seeking involved - otherwise, where's the tie in?

Search the pages of this site to find a 5-digit alpha-numeric code that will give you 100% off Much Ado About Russian at Smashwords.com You can then download and start reading it immediately! Get MAAR for your Kindle, Nook, iPad, iPhone, Sony Reader, Palm, Kobo, even your PC. Just find the code and go HERE. But hurry - it's only good for today (August 25).

Prefer a hard copy? Well, I can't afford to give you those for free - those cost me $ (hey, I'm a self-publishes artist, give me a break) But I will offer it to you at 50% off. Just find an 8-digit Alpha only code and use it at my CreateSpace store. You must purchase it via this link HERE. Also only good for today.

NOTE: My CreateSpace Store is actually part of Amazon.com - so it is secure. But for some whacked up reason, Amazon's CreateSpace will let me offer coupons for my own shop but not for the actual Amazon.com site. Go figure!

So - got it?

FREE DIGITAL COPY - 5 digit alpha-numeric code and go HERE

HALF OFF HARD COPY - 8 digit alpha code and go HERE

Now - go on your quest - and have fun!

Hero

AND HEY! DON'T FORGET YOU CAN SHARE THIS AND OTHER POSTS WITH THE SHARE LINK AT THE TOP OF THE PAGE! - Go ahead - share the wealth on FaceBook, Twitter etc!

So, yesterday's post about the People of Walmart has led me to the inevitable follow up: Low Rise Jeans: A Clueless Trend or Fashion's Biggest Joke?

Seriously people, we've all heard the 'crack kills' jokes - and seen them too, yet we support an industry that sells a style of jean specifically designed to leave your butt crack hanging out. I'm sorry, but I don't care who you are - that is NOT a good look. I doesn't matter if you want to show off your tramp stamp or flaunt your skeletal figure. Butt Crack = Bad Look. Period. Every time.

And what's worse is that they don't restrict such revealing styles just to those who have tiny figures that you could get by with having to deal with a certain amount of butt crack - if forced. Oh no! They make them in all sizes! Including plus size and children's.

Give me fricking break! We live in a society riddled with pedophiles and parents go out shopping for their 6 year-olds and are lucky if they can find a normal pair of jeans. Nope, they are all low rise so their tiny little bodies are all dressed up sexy like a grown woman and their teeny little but cracks are hanging out every time the sit down or bend. Nice. Really nice. I know I've heard my friends with kids complain about this for the past couple of years. Parents are forced to buy them because there is no alternative for jeans out there. The only other choice is to put them in leggings every day, which might not be bad in some climates, but here in New England, you want to be able to put them in jeans in the winter months.

And what about those poor plus size women? Come on jean companies! Get a clue! You can make stylish jeans for women who wear bigger than a size 8 without making them look like they are wearing ill fitting pants or granny jeans. If some woman is wearing a size 28 jean, she wants it to come up around her waist - not on her hips. No large woman wants her pants to stop at her hips (unless she's completely clueless - please refer to yesterday's blog post about People of Walmart).

But even skinny women, when they sit down or bend over, 99% of the time, you're seeing stuff you don't want to see (and if you want to see that - please go find another blog to haunt, we don't go in for that sick crap here).

But it's the consumer that's ultimately to blame. People keep buying them, so the industry thinks we want them, so that's what they keep making. So knock it off already!

On a recent, uh... excursion with my boyfriend, Kin, I was introduced to rather strange and disturbing website by some of his friends. Now, you might think this website had something to do with vampires or killing or blood or something equally macabre, but you would be oh so wrong.

No, no, my friends. This was the People of Wal-Mart website. Now perhaps some of you are already familiar with it. Apparently, it has been around for quite some time, but it was news to me. This site (http://www.peopleofwalmart.com), among other things, posts photos of shoppers at Wal-Marts all across the country that are, well - let's call them 'unflattering'.

Nah, I can't do it. I want to be kind, but I just can't live with 'unflattering'. They range from hysterical to downright disgusting. I'm talking images that set off the gag reflex. Some of the captions below the pics are even funnier than the pics themselves. You will laugh, you will shake your head, you will email friends, you will even at times feel ashamed of yourself for looking at the site. But mostly, you will never, ever want to walk into a Wal-mart again as long as you live.

It doesn't matter if you dress well and are well groomed. These people are out there! You might not end up in one of the photos - but you might run into one of the photo subjects! Do you really want to risk that? And there are SO many of them! It makes you wonder how you ever leave home without witnessing this, this, this........ AHHHH! How to sum it up in one word or phrase! You'll have to see it to believe it.

Just to be safe, I'm doing all my shopping on-line from now on. It's worth the price of shipping!

I'd just like to caution you before looking at this site. You may injure yourself laughing. It may behoove you (yeah, I said behoove) to have a friend present just in case you lose consciousness from the hysteria. (and to revive you in case you find yourself or a member of your family on the site!)

Sorry for not posting yesterday. I'm sure you missed me terribly. (Yes, that is sarcasm) But there was just no way I was getting near a computer. I don't want to point fingers, but, sometimes dating a vampire can really screw up your schedule.

They don't require as much sleep as humans. (Though the whole must sleep during the day thing is just a myth. Don't believe me? Read my book. And again, why do I have to keep saying that?) But, let's face it, it's a little easier to get away with being a vampire at night, for multiple reasons. And yeah, if you want to know those reasons.... you got it, read my book.

Not to mention that Kin is at the beck and call of his Magistrate, Darius, 24/7. I swear, Darius is either clairvoyant or he's got one locked up in his mansion somewhere, because he seems to know precisely the exact moment Kin and I are about to get, er, um, intimate. You can guarantee that nine out of ten times Kin's phone is going to ring and it will be Darius.

Ok, I realize that sounds a little paranoid, but that doesn't make me wrong. I think people forget that sometimes.  Just because somebody sounds paranoid or their story seems a bit wacko doesn't necessarily mean that what they're saying is untrue. Have you ever watched Phineas and Ferb? Great cartoon on Disney. Yes, I'm a thirty-year-old woman who watches cartoons. My friend's kids turned me on to it. It's fricking hysterical. Anyway, their older sister, Candace, is always trying to get them in trouble for the elaborate inventions they build, but by the time she gets her mom to look, the stuff is always gone. So, poor Candace appears to be having hallucinations and a breakdown of some kind on a nearly daily basis - but - she's not wrong.

Ahhh, ok. Phines, Ferb, Darius. What the hell was I talking about anyway? I swear, I can digress like nobody's business! Ah ha! there you go, Hero, just look at the title you typed in a few minutes ago. (Can you tell I haven't had my RDA of chocolate yet?)

So, back to the original topic. Vampires. Schedule. I didn't post yesterday because my day was totally messed up being dragged around, (dragged? drug? who the hell cares) by Kin on 'official' vampire business, that of course, took hours and hours. After all, what do they care how long all their stupid crap takes? They have eternity, right? GRRRR. Blissfully forgetful of the fact that they were once human and that humans need to eat, use rest rooms, sleep, sit down now and then. (believe me, I could go on!) And no, sorry, can't tell you what we were doing. Big, top secret, hush, hush, vampire-type, stuff.

Anyway, by the time he finally got me home (way past the hours that any restaurants were open, unless I wanted a Big Mac), I had to actually make myself something to eat (talk about salt in the wound!) then I climbed into bed and managed to fall asleep despite the lightening sky and the horrendously irritating chirp of early birds out looking for their worms. Not a great visual to be falling asleep to.

Which also explains why today's post is later than usual, because I've only just got my sorry behind out of bed. Ehhh, ok, I've been up for almost an hour actually, but it took me a long time to actually start feeling awake. But here it is! Ok, not my most stellar post, but it's here. Somedays, that's the best you can do.

Signing off - in search of chocolate.....

No, no - not the vampire thing. That's not so much of a secret, seeing as I'm posting about it here on the web and writing books about it. Though, my friends are still clueless. Long story.

Anway, this amazing secret has nothing to do with supernatural creatures or romance. In fact, it's rather unromantic. My secret is - retractable leg hair. Seriously. Don't laugh.

After years of extensive study I have determined that the hair on my legs is fully retractable. Of course, only at its own will. And yes, my body hair has a will of its own. What, you think the hair on my head had an exclusive on that?

Now I'm sure some of you women will fully understand where I'm coming from. You get into the shower, you lather up, you get out whatever the latest technological whiz of women's razors is leading the pack and you scrape a sharp metal blade (or blades) repeatedly up the delicate skin of your legs to rid yourself of unsightly hair. You've done this for years; you are a skilled practitioner. You run your hands over your legs again and again to ensure you haven't missed any. You squint in the shadow of the shower light to be doubly sure. Then you rinse and go about doing whatever else needs to be done. Then, after climbing out of the shower, toweling off, doing whatever it is you do before you get dressed and then getting dressed, you sit down at work or out at dinner with a date and rest your hand on your leg.... and there it is. Hair! Oh no, not one little piece that managed to escape. No, no. You could discount that. We're talking a patch, a field, a miniature forest of tiny hairs standing there all proud and erect like frigging great cedars! And to add insult to injury, they are right smack dab in the spot you started shaving. The spot easiest to see. You know you shaved there, you went over it twice, at least! Yet, there they stand, mocking you.

After a lifetime of such mockery, I have come to the only possible conclusion. My hair has the amazing (and evil) ability to retract itself at will. It senses when I am getting into the shower or tub and withdraws and hides. Then, when everything is safe and dry - *pop*! There it is! Back again.

Ok, some of you men are probably laughing, but I'd bet it would explain those patches you are always missing when you shave! How can so many of you miss those hard stubbly whiskers on your face like that? Better to subscribe to my theory than be thought incapable of shaving your own face.

BTW, for you doubters, I have even taken to shaving outside the shower, under bright lights when it's a special occasion, and what do you know? Oh yeah, there they are just a little while later. My own follicles are conspiring against me!

And you wonder why i eat so much chocolate. Can you blame me?